I thought I broke my toe.

But really I didn't. I woke up Sunday night/Monday morning to severe pain that I could not sleep through. My big toe joint has been bothering me for months, but suddenly things took a turn for the worse. I could not sleep or walk due to the pain—a devastating blow considering I am a mother of four. Two key factors of doing it successfully: sleeping AND walking. Naturally, I blamed it on the Primary Sacrament Program. Wouldn't you?

After I broke out in a sweat while trying to use a Costco shopping cart as a walker I decided to buckle down and get it x-rayed.

This is not a joke. In the last 24 hours I:

:: started my detox/cleansing diet.

:: threw up the coconut water. (yes, it really is that gross. Maybe I'll try to freeze it and eat it like a popsicle.)

:: found out I have beautiful, unbroken toe bones.

:: found out I actually have gout. yes, GOUT*.

:: realized the salad greens I just purchased at Costco (a crucial ingredient in the detox diet i started) were all moldy. 

:: realized the shallot I just purchased was moldy

:: realized there was no way in h@#$ I was going back to the store to re-buy these things given my level of foot pain.

:: realized that the medicine I have to take for my gout is severely toxic to the liver/kidneys.

:: realized I will not be able to start my detox diet until I finish taking the medicine.

:: ate 6 chocolate chip cookies after putting the detox diet on hold.

:: hobbled into my kids elementary school to pick up Casey, who called home sick.

:: lost Lucas and Emma at the school, but couldn't walk around to find them, and Casey was too sick, so we just sat in the van in the parking lot until they eventually came out.

:: started reading Catching Fire

:: tended to Casey, who was shaking, feverish and throwing up all night.

:: tended to Lucas, who was also sick, and who slept in my bed.

:: finished reading Catching Fire at 4 am. Totally worth it.

:: realize Mr. Coleman forgot to wheel out the trash cans for garbage day. I use them as a crutch while I wheel them to the curb and it's not so  bad.

:: come inside to find a BIRD in my house. 

:: spend 20 minutes half hopping, half hobbling, screaming, with a broom in one hand and a butterfly net in the other, trying to direct the insane swallow out of my house. [This did absolutely nothing for my bird phobia, as you can imagine. They are evil!]

:: clean up bird poop all over my walls, pictures, tile, carpet, and pancake griddle.

:: tend to a hysterical Emma, who came home from kindergarten with a fresh bee sting and a giant, swollen thumb.

Now I am leaving for the pediatrician's office. Lucas: pink eye or allergic reaction. Emma: bee sting. Casey: possible N1H1. That's my guess considering the last 24 hours. And I thought I could get some writing time in today. HA.

So, obviously, no picture to accompany this post.

*the disease that typically strikes overweight, inactive men who eat too much meat and drink too much alcohol. Quite an ironic turn of events, considering I run 6 miles a day, have not had a drop of alcohol since I was 15, and eat meat about once or twice a week. Oh, and also, I am not a man, nor a menopausal woman.