Sunday, December 4, 2011

not magnificent

listening and reading and praying today.

brook, i hope it's okay for me to share some of your words from your blog. they are beautiful and so are you. just what i'd been thinking:

all i can offer

is all i have.

and it may not seem like much.

especially when compared with others.

but it is mine

to give.

Thursday, December 1, 2011


sometimes, i wake up and say "i need to lose weight" or "i've been feeling sick/depressed/yucky lately" and i think it's time to overhaul my diet.

so i make a plan, which is usually something like this: TEN DAY JUICE FAST! i write out a grocery shopping list. it usually looks like this: TEN OF EVERY VEGETABLE IN THE WORLD. i realize it may be a little crazy, so i amend the plan in my mind.

three day juice fast.

now the shopping list looks a little more doable. but i have nothing to make juice in the house yet, so i eat a hard boiled egg, which tastes really good, so i amend my plan again:

three day juice fast plus EGGS. and maybe i'll add cottage cheese because protein is good right?

so i head out to the store, list in my purse. but by now i've grown hungry again and i pull out my list. i'm not sure i can live too long feeling ravenous. what was i thinking? i immediately change the plan to:

i will not buy hot chocolate or treats from starbucks, and i will not eat any sugar or anything after dinner. i will have a raw vegetable with every meal. i will not eat any white rice or flour.

i give myself a mental pat on the back. for lunch i buy raw spring rolls at the store. i think about how great i'm doing with this diet.

i get home and put all the produce in the fridge. i have to rest after doing this, but no sooner do i sit down then the kids are home from school and it's all: emma won't stop singing, and what's for snack, and i have to do this gigantic project by tomorrow and take me to dance and scouts and cello.

so when that's dealt with, it's a half hour past dinner time and i'm just getting started. i cook chili for the kids, but by the time we sit down for dinner, i know i can't muster up the energy to juice all my produce and also clean out the juicer, so i amend my plan again:

just eat what i fix for everyone else, but NO SUGAR. i mean it.

we get homework done and teeth brushed and scriptures read and prayers said. whew. i read in bed for awhile with the thought "cookie dough would really hit the spot" circling my mind like that adelle song plays on the radio. i toss and turn for an hour and a half.

throw off the covers.

make the dang cookie dough, and eat it while i look in the mirror and think "not too bad, not too bad at all."