gratitude day 18: A father's love

I found it funny that when I posted a picture of my mother several posts back, some of you mentioned I look like her. I think I got all of my dad's physical genes, and most of his personality genes, too.

I think of these characteristics as the "german genes". I have his teeth [no cavities, yay!], his hair color, his physical build [no calf muscles], and his chin dimple. I once thought that I was as smart as him, but then we played a game of Trivial Pursuit and he put us all to shame. He knew every single answer but one. Every answer!

Also, I have inherited his trait of interrupting. And his debating skills. Sorry friends who have to communicate with me in real life. I am my father's daughter.

Thank you, Dad for being the hardest working man I know. Thank you for teaching me how to drive—that must have been really scary. Thank you for providing for me and trying your best to protect me. I wish I would have listened to you more. You always warned me and then stepped back to let me make my own choices.

Thank you, Dad for teaching me about the power of a father's love. Because of your example of unconditional love, I gained a greater understanding for the love my Heavenly Father has for me. I love you! Happy Father's Day.

gratitude day 17: WIFYR

Oh man.

How does one sum up the week that I had? Being in Holly Black's fantasy class at WIFYR writing conference was terrifying, enlightening, exhausting, informative, and most importantly...

hysterical.

Holly cracked jokes about herself, about her mistakes as a writer, about the Church of Satan (surprisingly helpful to understanding the villains in my story), and especially about our manuscripts, all while wearing the most fantastic shoes. I wish I'd ignored my inhibitions and snapped pictures of them every day.

I will be a better critique partner because of Holly and the rest of my fantasy class.

And I'm thinking about my manuscript in a whole new way. That's the terrifying part.

I'm so grateful for Olivia, one of my critique partners, for going through this with me, despite being deathly ill. [I hope you don't mind that I posted this adorable picture of you.] Having her with me made the scary bearable. And infinitely more fun!

[And we sorely missed our other partner-in-crime, Meagan. I predict our next writer's group will be an in-depth analysis of the entire week.]

I admit, I had a moment pulling up to my house at the end of the week in which I thought: I never want to look, hear, or think about writing, or books, or agents, or queries, or plots, or EMOTIONAL LOGIC, ever, ever again. It was a hard week, as I had expected it would be, because it put into focus every writing flaw I have.

Overwhelmed. Done with it. That's how I felt by the end of it all.

But guess what I did when I woke up this morning? Pulled out all the critiques and began making plans for another revision. A huge, sweeping, drastic revision.

Because I am crazy. And because I am, in the fleshy tables of my heart, still a writer.

gratitude day 16: life

I am grateful to be alive. Are you? Here's a quick snapshot of my life, this week.

1. I am two weeks away from my writer's conference wherein my novel will be critiqued by HOLLY BLACK. [Typing her name, the rhyming phrase "spaz attack" comes to mind. Not a coincidence]. My adult ADD brain is having a hard time focusing on anything else. I WILL finish this round of revisions before then, because I do what I say and I said what I meant.

2. Markus Zusak is now on Twitter. Now we can deepen our imaginary author/celebrity relationship. This brings me an immense amount of joy.

3. I am in love with social media. Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook. It feels my social needs while allowing me to stay home, unshowered and barefoot living the dream.

4. I cannot keep up with the laundry. Or rather, I choose not to keep up with the laundry because I am revising my novel. Also, playing Angry Birds.

5. I am teaching a lesson in church this week to a group of women. My self-chosen topic: Lessons From the Garden. Any thoughts, insights?

6. My cousin passed away from a drug overdose last week. His memorial service is today. I cannot stop thinking of the email my mom sent to me and the thought she shared: Life is precious.

Life is precious.

Are you living your dream? Do your loved ones know you love them? Have a beautiful day, friends. You are here, you are alive, and you only get one shot. Make it count.

gratitude day 15: office

welcome to my author office. i am taking a break from the throes of revising DYING LIGHT* to let you in on 8 of my favorite writerly tools for writing/living dangerously.

8. down duvet. because this writer can't perform with cold feet.

7. netbook. which doesn't have enough memory/big enough screen to search the internet properly, thus discouraging lengthy sessions of online "research".

6. notebook. wherein i write Very Important Things that i don't want to forget.

5. critiqued copies of my novel. otherwise know as The Only Reason My Book Will Not Be A Total Pile of Crap.

4. thesaurus. second only to my beta readers, this is my best writing friend. sometimes i just flip through it, reading words at random, and don't you know...the ideas just come. if i'm ever a published writer and someone asks me where my ideas come from, i have my answer: ROGET'S 21ST CENTURY THESAURUS IN DICTIONARY FORMAT.

3. snow and graham desk calendar. in case i forget what day it is (or what year, or what world. trust me, when your brain is living deep inside an imaginary world this is a lifesaver.)

2. water. known to ward off headaches and "bum enlargment".

1. prayer rock. because i need all the help i can get.

*working title. i'm open to suggestions for a better one.

gratitude day 14: miracles

{photo of and by my lovely sister}

last night i saw my mother-in-law riding down the street on her new purple birthday bike. we honked and she waved, a giant windmill of a wave.

and smiled.

i watched joy spread across her face. watched her hair blown back by the wind. she was a six year-old little girl. and it stopped me short.

in that moment i saw a lifetime of sorrow, abuse, silent treatments, and crushing disappointments float away from her.

and right now, my brother steven is in my front yard, tossing a football with micah. sober. alive. heroin-free since october.

this is what i know, what i have witnessed time and again: miracles happen all the time. there is no sorrow, no injustice, no wound, no atrocity that will not be made right in due time.

and god shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. -revelations 21:4

gratitude day 13: mom

"It is interesting that today, decades later, when life seems particularly overwhelming or frightening or just downright scary, I call Mother and listen for her to say, “Sheri, you can do it.” A mother’s influence not only spans decade, it reaches into the eternities." -Sheri Dew

During my last trip home to Arizona, I was crying because someone didn't like me.* In the midst of my carrying on, mom walked over to me, kissed the top of my head, and said, "Rachel, I love you and know you are wonderful." And just like that I felt okay—like I was three years-old with a scrape on my knee and I needed my mom to kiss it better.

My mom is a calligrapher, water color painter, cook, nurturer, the life of the party.

Matriarch.

I love her. I am so grateful to have her as a mother. How did she survive me?

*It's a long story, in which I acted like I was in junior high and my mother loved me anyway.

gratitude day 12: cold

in light of the 6 inches of snow we received last night, here are the top ten most awesome things about living in a place that is nose-hair-freezing cold until may.*

10. views at your daughter's soccer game that look suspiciously like a bob ross painting.

9. no worries about the frozen mangos melting in the back of your car on errand day.

8. no need for ice baths—as recommended by timothy ferriss, author of THE FOUR-HOUR BODY**—to lose weight. you're already shivering cold. all the time.

7. playing in the snow when your sister comes to visit for spring break. how many people who went to a florida beach can say they did that? huh?

6. snow heads. see third picture down. i found this on my back deck today, courtesy of lucas.

5. seeing your cute niece, hazel, wearing emma's hand-me-down fleece hoodie.

4. endless cups of hot chocolate. in our case, cocoa mojo.

3. and endless baths.

2. plenty of time to prepare to plant your garden. plenty of time.

1. no need to imagine the norwegian scenery in your novel, or how a girl raised next to a citrus grove would feel about her first winter there.*** all you need to do is step outside. and look at that last picture.

*this entire post might be a lie. it's possible i spent the whole day dreaming of shorts, popsicles, and lounging on a sun-warmed deck, poolside and not being grateful AT ALL for the cold.

**this book is insane. like, seriously bat crap crazy. and offensive. i think a man who writes about his sexual escapades, describing the women involved as sexual experiments and needs clinical drawings to explain how to pleasure a woman, needs more than four hours to find "incredible sex." incredible sex is found through love, commitment, forgiveness, respect, and keeping sacred things sacred. just sayin' tim. you couldn't have missed the mark more.

***this is a bit spoilery for my novel i'm revising, but look at that castle picture again! doesn't that make you want to write a fairy tale? or take a trip to bavaria where your ancestors are from? no? that's just me? oh, okay.