Daughter of the Forest

How is it possible I never put a review of this book on my blog before? I hope you all get a chance to read this sometime in your lifetime. I am not afraid of a long book. Actually, I think I generally enjoy them more, because there is more time to get to know the characters and to watch them develop. This is a very long book, and the first in an excellent series, so just be aware of that before you get started.

As much as I hate to build up a book too much, I just can't help myself with this one. It really is that good. Buy it now or go check it out from your library. 

Daughter of the Forest by Juliet Marillier is a retelling of The Six Swans that felt like the original telling. This story comes as close to perfect as a novel can get, for my tastes. A lovely heroine who grows, learns and changes over time; beautiful, poetic writing; epic plot; emotional depth; themes of sacrifice, family bonds, struggle, determination, and romance—all these elements add up to one of the greatest stories ever written. I loved all the characters and was haunted by the ones who never got their happily-ever-afters. I found it utterly enchanting. Beautiful and an absolute favorite.

therapy

About six or seven years ago I was an emotional wreck. My life was headed in the opposite direction that I wanted it to. It felt like I was living in the middle of a thick, dark, black hole. I had lost hope in the future, lost my trust in others, and lost myself in the process. I hung on to my sanity and faith with clawed fingers.

But I didn't give up. And I refused to settle. I knew life could be better. So I prayed. Oh, how I prayed. I prayed lying on the floor with my whole soul. I asked for help from the only person I felt like I could trust 100%. I kept asking. And waiting for an answer. 

I suffered. I learned. I read: If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise. Slowly, as I was ready for them, the answers began to come. The only person you can change is yourself. Be an attraction. Light is more powerful than darkness. Happiness is a choice. There is a reason to hope. 

And one day, in the quiet moment after I was done with a particularly desperate prayer, Heavenly Father gave me a list. I love lists! I used them to study, to stay organized, and to get things done. And here was one from Him who loves and knows me best. The list was an answer to my prayers. I knew that my anxiety had become a stumbling block (Jacob 4:18). I wanted to help to overcome it. And there were only three things I needed to do:

1. Read my scriptures

2. Attend the temple

3. Exercise

So simple, yet life saving for me. It wasn't as if I hadn't already experienced the blessings of doing these things. But here was a list of things I could do. Things I was in control of. A perfect mix of three things just for me.

It really works. When I am doing all three things, I feel empowered. I am an attraction. It's only when I am missing part of the three that I start to slip back towards that black hole of depression.

Can you see why I am a little emotional about running? I believe it literally saved my life. It works better than any medication or counseling session has. I love it. Even when it is hard (and it usually is). 

My running playlist over three hours long. The type of music I listen to when running is mostly different from the music I like to listen to otherwise. Running music has to be perfect: the right tempo, peppy, and inspiring. Here is a condensed version—some of the most motivational of the group. I hope you find something here that helps you reach your next mile, or extra minute of exercise. 

we sang as we walked and walked and walked

On the 4th of July, we celebrated our traditional way by spending the day in the mountains. This year, we hiked to Stewart Falls. The hike is about 3.7 miles round trip and really easy—flat a lot of the way and a lot of shade. The falls are about 200 feet tall and more beautiful than I could capture in a picture.

What a fantastic way to spend the day, right?

Wrong.

I knew things were looking bad when we spotted the trail head in the parking lot and Micah started crying.

"This is really hard, Mom," he wailed. "How much longer?"

"Well, dear," I replied lovingly and patiently and kindly, "we haven't even started yet, so stop your whining and enjoy yourself. Hiking is fun. It's beautiful out here." Take a guess by looking at the picture of Micah if he took my advice.

Actually, take a look at these pictures too. It seemed we were destined for unhappiness. We had whiners and criers the whole way to the falls. [Yes, including Mr. Coleman, who I love, but who was also a big, fat, whining hiker that day.] I think we took about 30 or 40 minutes to hike there. So, crying the whole way. And also fighting. Fun stuff. A day to remember.

Once we reached the falls, everyone seemed to perk up. Mr. Coleman even took a picture of me. If you're wondering where you could get a rad Nathan Hale Elementary "Hale Heroes" shirt like mine I have some unfortunate news. I stole mine from my brother Daniel about 8 years ago. I don't think they are available anymore. 

Also, if you are looking at me and thinking wow, how does she stay so fit and young and hip with all those children and all those advancing years creeping up on her? I don't have an answer for you. But clearly, it's a gift, as I'm sure you can tell from this picture.

A rare smiling shot of the girls. Mr. Coleman and Steve [who is our next door neighbor, renter, Coleman Excavation employee, very tan, and looking very buff in his tank top. Sorry ladies, I cropped off most of his muscular bicep.]

Throwing rocks into the water made Lucas very happy, afterwhich he fell fast asleep and was carried the whole way back by Mr. Coleman [who was then quickly forgiven for being grumpy on the way there].

Overall, really beautiful scenery, easyish hike, great destination, but not quite the marvelous day I thought it would be. I like this picture though, because seriously, look how gorgeous it is. It looks like the back drop to a fairy tale, or a musical. Sadly, no one in our party was amused when I burst out into my own rendition of: "Climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow, till you find your dream!"

Still chasing that dream.

happy independence day

I'll post later on what we did yesterday to celebrate. Fun stuff.

For now, I am re-reading a favorite patriotic read: John Adams by David McCullough. Here is John Adams in a letter to his wife, Abigail:

The object is great which we have in view, and we must expect a great expense of blood to obtain it. But we should remember that a free constitution of civil government cannot be purchased at too dear a rate, as there is nothing on this side of Jerusalem of equal importance to mankind.

And also, speaking of Independence Day, he predicted that it:

...will be the most memorable epocha in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the Day of Deliverance by solemn acts of devotion to Almighty God. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires, and illuminations from one end of this continent to the other from this time forward forever more. 

If you are an American who likes to read, I cannot recommend McCullogh's John Adams or 1776 highly enough. I am so grateful to our founding fathers for the blessing of liberty that I enjoy due to their sacrifices. Add them to my list of people I can't wait to meet in heaven. 

It's about time

I can be really indecisive sometimes. Especially when it involves spending money. I don't want to buy something that is low quality, but I hate to spend a lot of money. (According to the Definitions of Rachel "a lot of money" means anything that has to be bought with money from my savings account).

Can  you see the dilemma? 

At our house, picking out dining chairs has been an eleven year process. I saw some chairs that I liked in a Pottery Barn catalogue once, but they were $99. Too much for our budget. Then I saw them at K-Mart for $39. I almost got them one day, but I couldn't bring myself to spend the money. 

Time passed. Our family grew. We used rust, gold, and avocado chairs that family members and neighbors couldn't stand to look at anymore. Seating for six. Six ways. 

I decided it was time to buy the chairs. A slight problem: a company called Emeco had sued K-Mart and Pottery Barn for using their chair design. So they were no longer available there. But, I could get the Emeco brand. Only, the price for the Emeco chairs was $415. Apparently these chairs, the Emeco Navy Chair, is a style icon that has been around since 1944 when they were commissioned by the US Navy.

Still. I laughed out loud. And then I was mad for a couple of years. 415 dollars. 415 dollars! I really didn't think that an aluminum chair was worth $415. Would you pay that much for this chair?

I just couldn't do it. But, I also couldn't find any other chairs I liked. I almost bought some from Ikea. Then I almost bought some from an unfinished wood store. I tried the thrift stores and the classifieds.

But really, let's reason together. We all know the chances of finding some vintage Charles Eames chairs in Utah like my sister did are nigh impossible. 

When our neighbor called and asked for his gold and rust colored chairs back, I knew we had a problem. So I started shopping again. And I finally decided.

It's a new take on the old Navy chair by CB2: the Bandit Chair.

We bought six. And yes, incase you're wondering, I still feel sick to my stomach when I think of how much they cost, all together in a lump sum. I don't know why. However, I think I can live with it. They are 1/4 the price of the Emeco chairs, and I absolutely love them. The kids and Mr. Coleman were lukewarm about them, but I don't get my style advice from them anyway, so they are going to live with them too.

I admit I get a warm fuzzy feeling each time I think about 6 matching dining room chairs. It's about time.

I Am

I recently read some advice by publisher/author/editor Arthur Levine here on writing. He suggests to ignore the common advice of writing "what you know", and simply write "you".

And it got me thinking.

Who am I really? And what am I writing about?

I am a beginner. I am vulnerability and things not quite figured out. I am blushing embarrassment and not belonging. I am first love discovered and long good byes.

I am mistakes, and regret and a heart ripping in two. I am rage. I am disillusionment, betrayal and the worst kind of fear.

But I am glimmers of hope and humor in dark times. I am treading water and wisdom bought with a price. I am forgiveness given and forgiveness found. And I am joy and contentment and passion. I am myself.

I am a story to be told.

Down and Derby

Last night our family enjoyed our first Boy Scouts Pinewood Derby as spectators. Mr. Coleman and Micah worked on his truck for about a week. [But, Mr. Coleman actually bought a Pinewood Derby book about a year ago. I think he has been dreaming of this moment for years. He, of course, had to buy a new Dremel tool to complete the project.]

Mr. Coleman helps Micah put his car on the track. Casey (on left) and Micah (on right) watch the cars come down the track. Congratulations to Micah and Mr. Coleman for placing third overall. WOOT!

Emma with her friends.

 

Micah's fake smile. He was really mad that I made him stop before rushing inside to get a picture. Lucas with his blanky, as usual.

Here is the guy that ran the race for us. He has a computerized track and has written a computer program that clocks the car speeds and keeps track of the winners of each heat. Each boy races on each lane once, for a total of six times. I was really impressed. 

And I kept thinking he looked really familiar. And then it dawned on me...

He looks like a Middle Aged Utah version of Tom Delonge. Who I went to high school with. [Actually two high schools, Poway High School, which we both got kicked out of for the same reason. And then Rancho Bernardo  High School, where we enjoyed hanging out with other punk juvenile delinquents. I remember him playing in a band vaguely, and hanging out sometimes, and some other things which I'm afraid I can't mention in a public blog. Ahem.]

You might know Tom as the lead singer of the pop punk band Blink-182, also of Angels and Airwaves (but as of February, still with Blink 182. Apparently they have reunited).