Friday, July 17, 2009


About six or seven years ago I was an emotional wreck. My life was headed in the opposite direction that I wanted it to. It felt like I was living in the middle of a thick, dark, black hole. I had lost hope in the future, lost my trust in others, and lost myself in the process. I hung on to my sanity and faith with clawed fingers.

But I didn't give up. And I refused to settle. I knew life could be better. So I prayed. Oh, how I prayed. I prayed lying on the floor with my whole soul. I asked for help from the only person I felt like I could trust 100%. I kept asking. And waiting for an answer. 

I suffered. I learned. I read: If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise. Slowly, as I was ready for them, the answers began to come. The only person you can change is yourself. Be an attraction. Light is more powerful than darkness. Happiness is a choice. There is a reason to hope. 

And one day, in the quiet moment after I was done with a particularly desperate prayer, Heavenly Father gave me a list. I love lists! I used them to study, to stay organized, and to get things done. And here was one from Him who loves and knows me best. The list was an answer to my prayers. I knew that my anxiety had become a stumbling block (Jacob 4:18). I wanted to help to overcome it. And there were only three things I needed to do:

1. Read my scriptures
2. Attend the temple
3. Exercise

So simple, yet life saving for me. It wasn't as if I hadn't already experienced the blessings of doing these things. But here was a list of things I could do. Things I was in control of. A perfect mix of three things just for me.

It really works. When I am doing all three things, I feel empowered. I am an attraction. It's only when I am missing part of the three that I start to slip back towards that black hole of depression.

Can you see why I am a little emotional about running? I believe it literally saved my life. It works better than any medication or counseling session has. I love it. Even when it is hard (and it usually is). 

My running playlist over three hours long. The type of music I listen to when running is mostly different from the music I like to listen to otherwise. Running music has to be perfect: the right tempo, peppy, and inspiring. Here is a condensed version—some of the most motivational of the group. I hope you find something here that helps you reach your next mile, or extra minute of exercise. 

get a playlist standalone player get ringtones!


  1. You're an example to me in every way.

    Exercise helps me a lot too, when I actually get to it. (I just got back from the gym and feel so much better about everything).

    Maybe someday we'll live near each other in a non-120-degree place and we can go on runs together.

    Love you.

  2. You are so good with your words and so inspiring. I'm so lucky to have a friend like you, one who I can lean on and one who I can help too.

  3. I told Ryan I needed a playlist for giving birth. It never happened, but it was going to have some Rocky songs on it for sure.

    We love you and you are an inspiration to me. I don't think you'll ever know how much I admire what you have endured and accomplished.

  4. Or maybe to exercise at all... Writing is my therapy, but I definitely feel better when I exercise. I just always have the BEST excuses.

    Funny how similar our posts were. Great minds think alike. Obviously. :)

    PS Your ankle looks like a little twig in that picture.

  5. Since I've been here, I've noticed that you are a light. Thank you for being so inspirational. I admire you so much. Love, me