routines and a fall playlist

Hello, hello.

After a chaotic start to October, I've settled into a good writing routine. It's lasted two days so far. Ha! But I'm counting that. The key for me is to put my blinders on and get my writing done first thing after the kids have left for school. Sometimes* I even have to leave the house or I'll start another load of laundry, make the bed, check emails, put away clothes and before you know it, I have an organized house but no writing done. And we can't have that, can we?

What about you? Do you have any wisdom you can share for sticking with a routine?

Here's a link to my FALL 2013 Spotify playlist I've been listening to. To cheer me up, to set a mood for writing a difficult scene, and everything in between. As usual, some new, some old. The last song is the soundtrack for the goat video I posted on Instagram. Email me if you don't do Spotify and I'll hook you up.

FALL 2013

1. Blurry-eyed Worries :: BRONZE RADIO RETURN
2. Analog or Digital :: WILDLIFE CONTROL
3. Knock Knock :: BAND OF HORSES
4. How Come You Don't Want Me :: TEGAN AND SARA
5. Blue Ice :: SHOUT OUT LOUDS
6. 1999 :: SHOUT OUT LOUDS
7. Junk of the Heart (Happy) :: THE KOOKS
8. The Way You Are :: 46BLISS
9. All My Life :: DJ HARRY
10. Lost and Found :: ADRIENNE PIERCE
11. Farther Along :: JOSH GARRELS
12. The Giving Tree :: THE AUTUMN FILM
13. Look At What the Light Did Now :: LITTLE WINGS
14. Death of an Interior Decorator :: DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE
15. A Lack of Color :: DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE
16. Yeah Yeah Yeah :: THE SOUNDS
17. WIsh You Were Hear :: THE SOUNDS
18. Bloom :: THE VEILS
19. Drive Darling :: BOY
20. Little Numbers :: BOY

*No, not sometimes. ALWAYS.

breathe deep

[image source]

hello friends. it's been an interesting couple of weeks. and by interesting i mean it's been horrible and i would just love a redo. too much yelling and anger and unkindness coming from my mouth these last weeks. because, in case you don't already know this about me, i am easily overwhelmed. even something like seeing the peaches from my peach tree smashed on the sidewalk [because i was too sick to pick them and so they fell off and are now infested with earwigs] is enough to make me crumple to the ground and start weeping because this world is all just too much. i am not joking.

friends, you are amazing. i see the kind of things you are dealing with and i am in awe at your courage and strength.

i am floored. stopped frozen in my tracks. friends, this life can be brutal. we suffer with addictions and want to claw out of our own skin. staying sober feels impossible. our fathers abandon us. our mothers get sick and we become their caretakers when we are still babies ourselves. our loved ones are addicts who cannot or will not recover and we watch them kill themselves in slow motion. our mothers--the life of our parties--die too soon. our children get sick or struggle to make friends and are called disgusting because their skin is not the same color as everyone else's. our husbands go crazy, literally. our organs are so messed up that the team of doctors who will be operating on us want to put us in medical journals. and some of us have our innocence stolen from us and carry that unclean feeling with us for a lifetime.

unspeakable.

in the quiet heart is hidden sorrow that the eye can't see.

i have spent some time these last couple weeks crumpling. i've been grieving life's adversities--mine and yours--as they come, because this is what it means to be me. i cannot swallow things down or shrug them away, much as i have tried. and whether the suffering is mine or yours, i feel it all the same. this is why i would make an excellent addict. i'd be the best freaking addict ever. and yet, when i am like this, i know i'm doing it right. i'm not using drugs or alcohol or reading or food or exercise or religion or work to buffer the pain. i've learned to just open up my heart let it come. because if i can keep my heart open, then the good stuff gets in too. the beautiful things, the blessings, the tender mercies.

and there are many. here is something i know: for every sorrow, every horror, every unjustice we live with in this life, god will make up the difference. he gives us the ability to handle the burdens, he blesses us a hundred fold in other ways and at other times to compensate. there will always be enough love and approval and grace for us in this life because of him. he pours out peace to our hearts, gives us friends to share our sorrows with, and when that is not enough, he gives us sunsets. rainbows.

sometimes even double rainbows. or triple rainbows. of course he does.

and god shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

friends, being a person who feels intensely means that i have the capacity to love ferociously. you are my people and i freaking love you. so, i thought i'd show that love to you using my love languages: quality time and receiving gifts [and please keep that in mind for me in the future]:

i have another playlist to share with you. this one i've taken great care to curate. most of the songs are peaceful and gentle because i think we need that right now. don't you? a few have a little more pep, but mostly, these are songs to sit with and be still.

breathe deep.

and then email me if you'd like me to share the actual mp3 files. otherwise, you can listen to this on spotify here. there are a few more songs on my spotify playlist than listed below, because i only own songs that i paid for. got it?

fall 2012 playlist: for my peeps who face life with courage and strength

1.Always | Digits
2. Ships On The Ocean Floor | The Autumn Film
3. The Stable Song | Gregory Alan Isakov
4. Breezeblocks | Alt-J
5. One Hundred Million Years | M. Ward
6. Catch | The Cure
7. Middle Of June | Noah Gundersen
8. Hear the Noise... | James Vincent McMorrow
9. Kingdom Come | The Autumn Film
10. Heart & Bones | The Pines
11. Lions in Cages | Wolf Gang
12. Mended | The Autumn Film
13. Hurts Like Heaven | Coldplay
14. Cold Feet | Lost Lander
15. Drown | Smashing Pumpkins
16. Beggar In The Morning | The Barr Brothers
17. Blood | Middle East
18. Something Good | Alt-J
19. Weather To Fly | Elbow
20. Animal Life | Shearwater

love you.

book recommendations, and a GIVEAWAY!

today i am directing you to olivia's blog where i shared a few book recommendations. she asked what i look for in a favorite book, and i shared here.

also, i just now finished THE RAVEN BOYS by maggie stiefvater and let me tell you, i think you're going to like it. a great ghost-like story with fantastic characters and a lot of seemingly unsolvable problems brewing. and i think, like me, you'll be really frustrated that you have to wait for the next one in the four-book series. it's really good. eeek!

and now, my first giveaway! i loved this book so much that i'm planning on buying the hardcover. the copy i have is an ARC (Advanced Reader's Copy) that is signed by maggie, with a few marks from me (it's well-loved, and i wasn't sure i wanted to give it away when i first read it). i'm giving away this copy to one lucky person that comments here. spread the word. the book comes out september 18 and now's your chance to read it early, before it comes out, if you are an impatient fan like me.

leave a comment with your email if you think i might not have it to be entered to win. contest closes sunday, september 2 at midnight, mountain daylight time. good luck!

A Special Gift Is Kindness

click image for a downloadable pdf

We create our own happiness. I know this because I'm a recovering pessimist who is a learning, practicing, living example. Practice totally works! Changing negative thought patterns into positive ones has brought me greater joy and deeper satisfaction in my relationships than I could ever imagine. Even when things aren't perfect.

Especially when thing aren't perfect.

I feel like my life is in transition at the moment. I'm moving out of survival/tread water mode and moving towards the living/breathing/thriving mode. I'm ready to push myself a little bit farther. To see how miraculous and beautiful I can make this life. To start, I'm having a reboot week, starting today. I'm eating only raw foods. I'm spending daily time journaling and reading sacred words and pondering and praying.

And I'm giving up my phone. For one week. [screams] No really. [screams loudly] You can always email me or call me on my home phone. It will be okay. [breathes deeply]

Inspired by advice from Mara from A Blog About Love—who teaches that even in difficult situations, if we focus on attaining a virtue, like forgiveness or courage, we can be resilient and even triumphant during trials—I decided to focus for a few months (or years, or lifetime—however long it takes) on acquiring the virtue of kindness. 

And no sooner had I been thinking this, than information on the subject started flying my way. The Law of Attraction is funny (or awesome, depending on how you look at it) that way.

Noah Webster describes kindness this way:

1. Good will; benevolence; that temper or disposition which delights in contributing to the happiness of others, which is exercised cheerfully in gratifying their wishes, supplying their wants or alleviating their distresses; benignity of nature. Kindness ever accompanies love. 


2. Act of good will; beneficence; any act of benevolence which promotes the happiness or welfare of others. Charity, hospitality, attentions to the wants of others, &c., are deemed acts of kindness, or kindnesses.

Isn't that beautiful?

And while I was pondering upon the virtue of kindness, the words of a hymn began to circle around in my head, and then ever so slowly, sink into my heart with a new, deeper meaning than I had been ready to understand before.

Savior, may I learn to love thee,
Walk the path that thou hast shown,
Pause to help and lift another,
Finding strength beyond my own.
Savior, may I learn to love thee-
Lord, I would follow thee.

Kindness requires strength beyond my own ability, and I have help as I seek to acquire that virtue. Heaven's help.

Who am I to judge another
When I walk imperfectly?
In the quiet heart is hidden
Sorrow that the eye can't see.
Who am I to judge another?
Lord, I would follow thee.

Kindness is showing compassion instead of resentment when people don't treat us the way we hoped. Kindness is recognizing that happy, emotionally healthy people don't lash out at others. Kindness knows that people who are unkind are suffering in their own way.

Kindness is refraining from judging, criticizing, or gossiping about others. Kindness sees the best in everyone.

I would be my brother's keeper;
I would learn the healer's art.
To the wounded and the weary
I would show a gentle heart.
I would be my brother's keeper-
Lord, I would follow thee.

Kindness can be learned! This is the best news for someone like me whose gut instinct is to react to the world with "tough love" and an attitude that people should help themselves and a belief that people only get what they deserve. Kindness instead is teaching in a gentle way, not accepting the victim mentality, but lifting and offering to help when we can.

Savior, may I love my brother
As I know thou lovest me,
Find in thee my strength, my beacon,
For thy servant I would be.
Savior, may I love my brother-
Lord, I would follow thee.

How much does the Lord love us? So much so, that as he was dying on the cross, he offered this prayer to his Father on behalf of those who were crucifying him: "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do." That is the type of love and kindness we can show to those around us.

How do you practice kindness? I DON'T REALLY KNOW. But I'm trying. I'm studying and pondering and saying to myself "I am kind. I am tenderhearted." and putting reminders everywhere. And the best part? Kindness changes the giver as much as the receiver.

Any thoughts you'd like to share or things you've learned while practicing kindness?

mixtape winter 2011

good winter morning! there are few things i love more in life than making my own mixtape. the best mixes are like a well-paced book—a few intense scenes followed by a quiet one, rinse and repeat.

allow me to share my latest mixtape with you. i can't stop listening to it. i wonder if i'll ever get sick of these songs. guess there's only one way to find out. if you'd like me to hook you up, send me an email or tell me in the comments ;-).

White Knuckles | Ok Go
Orange Sky | Alexi Murdoch
Shake Me Down | Cage The Elephant
Kites | Geographer
Night Winds | Geographer
Verona | Geographer
Mustache Man (Wasted) | Cake
I Was Made for Sunny Days | The Weepies
Hummingbird | The Weepies
Giving Up The Gun | Vampire Weekend
Big Jet Plane | Angus & Julia Stone
Yellow Brick Road | Angus & Julia Stone
Derezzed | Daft Punk
Normandie | Shout Out Louds
The Comeback | Shout Out Louds
The Ghost Inside | Broken Bells
Babelonia | School Of Seven Bells
Don't Carry It All | The Decemberists

lepidoptera love

there are one hundred things i should be doing right now besides blogging, but you know me: play first, work [harder/faster] later.

we finally photographed the makeover of emma's room, in which she requested butterflies. take a peek!

close-up of the butterfly migration. emma painted the flowers in the polkadot pot. tempra on canvas.

emma helped me design the artwork below [and seen framed in her room], including colors and her favorite saying from a children's song. if you'd like to make your own print , click on the image below, then print on 8 1/2x11 textured paper. we love arches drawing paper. trim down to 8x10 if desired.

if i have time, i'll post some before pictures and some more details.

notes for you

notes for you.

print, cut on trim marks, stick in your kids' lunches, or slip them in your spouse's car or pocket.

love, me.

forgiveness flour

i'm a cryer.

and this poem, this poem. it moves me every time. i'm sharing a png of the print i made for my mom for her late, late, embarrassingly late birthday gift. you can download it and print it on your own beautiful paper, if you wish. just click on the picture to enlarge. trim on the thin gray line for an 8x10 final size.

love to you all.