Thursday, February 3, 2011

gratitude day 7: confessionals

i am grateful for confessionals.

i just finished reading a great book: THE GIFTS OF IMPERFECTION by brené brown. in one chapter, she explains why it is so important to share things that make us feel shameful, to own our stories, and to not run from vulnerabilities. without having heard/read it before, i have been doing this all along here on my blog with my confessionals. in brené's words:

shame hates it when we reach out and tell our can't survive being shared. shame loves secrecy. when we bury our story, the shame metastasizes.

thank you, dear readers, for showing compassion and empathy when i confess here on my blog, instead of judgment, blame, or trying to "fix" my problems.

so, in the spirit of sharing, here's my latest confessional:

i confess, i am terrible at keeping all my balls up in the air. i tend to hyper-focus and then I have a hard time stopping one thing and moving on to the next. there is no moderation in my life. i spent an entire day cleaning [toothbrush scrubbing, grout-sealing, baseboard-wiping type of cleaning]. the next day i spent an entire day writing. followed by an entire night watching season 1 of grey’s anatomy on netflix. then an entire day graphic designing. only to realize I have not done the laundry all week. or read a book. or blogged about what i’m thankful for. and oops, are those the vitamins i’m supposed to take every day still sitting on the counter?

do you keep a schedule? i would love to know how you divide up your time and tasks. how much time do you spend doing housework? cooking? errand running? working? please share.

also, we are trying to buckle down on unnecessary spending. so of course, i bought the shirt you see above. because it seemed like a need to remind everyone that voltron is the defender of the universe. anyone else have a hard time distinguishing between wants and needs?

i am retiring as a piano teacher after our spring recital in march. and i cried when i typed the flyer up in which i broke the news to my students. teaching piano has been a big blessing and part of my life while my kids were little and nap-takers, but as our family has grown and changed, it’s gotten harder and harder. that afternoon time is precious. i’m trying to focus on writing and designing while the kids are at school and then make the most of the time my kids are home—spending it with them.

i have a secret love for aaron neville. can’t be explained, but i thought i should share. do you have a secret musical shame?

i may or may not have much time to blog again before tax season is over. yes, i’m doing it "one more time." one more time. i’d rather write php code than prepare taxes, but i’m doing it for the money. i will answer to the name “tax whore” until april 15.

until then, i have to finalize a few things with a fun design project i hope to be able to share with you guys soon. and, i need to finish that novel i’m always writing about [when i should just be writing it.] i’m 88,000 words in and i can see, taste, smell, hear, feel the ending. there is crying—and kissing—involved in the final scenes. also, ocean waves breaking dramatically, but no one. word. sentences.

so, if it’s quiet around here for awhile, you’ll know why.


  1. I love your shirt and I love Voltron. But, I was surprised at how cheesy it was when I watched all the episodes on Cartoon Network. It made me kind of sad that my childhood hero is painted in a new light for me.

    Shame is my enemy. I have been battling shame for the last five years. I love when I see posts about shame because not many people know it exists, in the sense of what you just said about it. Most people believe it to be something that makes you feel guilty, but it's SO much more than that. Shame is the reason I have a hard time standing up for myself. Shame is the reason I have such a hard time knowing right from wrong, in the sense of trying to unlearn some of the things my parents taught me that are shame-based. Shame is the reason I'm going to a 12-step meeting every week!

    But, as I've been battling shame, I've seen how much I have changed for the better by not letting it take over my life.

    I think I'll read that book. It may help me better understand shame, even though I understand it a lot better than most people. :)

    I love your confessionals! They bring a smile to my face because it helps me tell my shame that I'm not the only one in a believing manner that I can't possibly reject.

    You are superwoman, even if you don't possess all the powers all the time to keep all your balls up in the air!

    I wish I had some advice to answer your questions, but I'm in the same boat. Moderation and I are like oil and water. One day, though, we'll be like milk and chocolate!

    PS--Good luck with tax season!

  2. Rachel, I have a free spirited neighbor who divides her days similar to you. She says she gives one day to her home, one day to her family, one day to herself, one day to service, one day to shopping... and that's how she satisfies her whems and her responsibilities.

    This past year I have made a schedule for myself. A certain day for laundry, another for bathrooms, a day for changing the sheets, a day for shopping, one for washing the dog...everything has its assigned time and when my tasks are done I am free to enjoy the rest of my day. It helps me not feel overwhelmed with having to do everything all at the same time.
    I love you.

  3. Oh man, you are super woman. I'd like to toothbrush clean my house sometime this century.

    And my husband LOVES Voltron. I'm pretty sure we have every episode on our computer.

    And I missed ya last night! Good luck with tax stuff! Let me know if I can help!

    And WOOT for writing for a day! I think I've just had a mini break through so I should go write too!

  4. Funniest phrase ever: tax whore. My love for coding and accounting stuff are about equal, and they are much much closer to the top of my list of things I enjoy than the bottom. But hopefully you still love me. :)

    I read somewhere this girl that does budgets for her time just like she does her finances. I can't handle that. If someone calls and wants to go to the park and my kitchen is a mess, we go to the park. Not to mention I never know how many hours I'll work. Several days it could be none, and then I'll spend 8 hours working. No sense in creating a schedule I can't stick to. :) I have been planning to have a list of things I do each day (i.e. on Saturday, Clara empties all the garbages) so things get cleaned a little more regularly around here. Usually things get ignored and then I find myself spending hours on it. Which is why I need to go clean my laundry room that hasn't been cleaned since we moved...

  5. I just re-read my comment... sorry for the 1st grade sentence structure at the beginning of the 2nd paragraph.

  6. voltron! awesome shirt.

    i need scheduling help too, so if you figure it out let me know.

    worse than php code? really?

  7. Sweet shirt.
    My brain is my calendar on the kitchen wall. I write lots of things there and make lists each night of things I can realistically accomplish the next day.
    I try to get my "work done in the morning, so that by "quiet time" I can rest a bit before the boys come home from school. Then we focus on them, homework, making dinner, getting to practice, scouts, whatever. I do try to do laundry on Mon & Thurs, and I do end up doing more house cleaning on Mon & Friday, to detox and get ready for the weekend.
    And I try to not have anything going on after the kids go to bed, so I can be with my husband.

  8. I need to do Jana's work schedule! I used to schedule like "kimberly" - divide my chores onto certain days... It's how I get the most done. But it flies out the window when babies are in their first year. I go in phases like you... right now I just finished a photo-ordering phase for every photo for the past 2 years. And I order one for every child who is in each one. I stay up at night, I make easy meals, I put movies on for the kids, it's terrible. At Cmas time it was a book ordering phase. I would do Christmas shopping online, then to fill up the free shipping requirement, I'd add books I wanted... over & over. Now I need another bookshelf. Not kidding. See? That sentence had 2 whole words. I'm so exciting for the kissing & breaking waves at the end of your book. I can almost smell it, too. Good luck!