i'm sick. was sick. for a few weeks in january, after which i enjoyed a brief week of supreme health, then a dive into the health pits of despair. hereafter to be known as the plague of 2013.
by the numbers [since i'm remembering fondly the past years in which i was preparing 800 tax returns right about now and i miss working with numbers all day every day. <--- a lie]:
1, 2, 3, 4 and FIVE: number of different types of antibiotics i have consumed.
4: number of night terrors about murder caused by the meds. [why do i always dream that my loved ones are murderers?! why?]
2: number of CT scans I had performed.
7: number of feet tall the giant radiologist named leroy who did my CT scans was.
3: number of blood tests ran.
134: amount i weighed in january.
116: amount i weigh today.
121: amount i weighed when i got married.
116: amount i weighed when my nickname was skeletor and a frenemy spread a rumor at school that i was anorexic.
1: number of times my pants FELL OFF whilst i was errand running. my skinny jeans are baggy. MY SKINNY JEANS ARE BAGGY.
3: number of minutes i can stand without feeling like my muscles are going to collapse.
1: number of days i have left to take antibiotics #4 and #5.
>2,000: number of dollars i have spent in doctor's offices, hospitals, massage therapists, and pharmacists.
and guess what? still not feeling great. at all. which is why i bought this today:
guys, it's so gross. of course it's gross. what can you expect with the 3 main ingredients being raw garlic, raw honey, and raw apple cider vinegar? and i'm supposed to chug a tablespoon an hour. how, i don't know, but i'm going to do it if it kills me. unless the plague kills me first.
if i die, i would like to leave my book collection to brook. and i would like my unfinished novels to be completed by my sister angela and her husband and published posthumously. please try not to make them too funny or people will know it wasn't really me writing them. i would like my organs donated. and i would like my sister anna to come clean my desk and basement and throw away my free write journals before anyone else goes through my things.
goodbye for now, cruel world.