Midlife Crisis In Two Parts

Part One: Hair Extensions

So, I've been keeping a secret. A few, really. I've been taking some supplements to help with hormone levels and energy levels, and it's really changed my life the last year or so and allowed me to feel like myself again.

But.

The changing/adjusting hormone levels made my hair fall out. Not just the "Oh gross, l've created another hair ball in the shower" type, but the balding type. 

Yeah. Bald patches.

So for about one day I decided to stop taking the medicine. Because I am at least half vain. Then I realized that was ridiculous. So I decided to do another ridiculous thing. Can't you just see the excellent logical thinking I have! I decided to get hair extensions.

And so I did. They are super long and I love them and hate them. I'd love to answer any questions you may have about them in the comments. That is the end of Part One. 

Part Two: NYC

This isn't a secret! I am headed to NYC early, early Saturday morning to spend a week with two girlfriends. I am ecstatic. I keep thinking of that saying: She turned her can'ts into cans, and her dreams into plans. It's taken a lot of work and saving and patience, but it is happening!

And what better way to celebrate than with another completely ridiculous post about what I'll be wearing. It's my midlife crisis. I can do what I want.

1. Saturday: Plane ride. Hot pink Isle Esme shirt. Something book-related seemed appropriate since we are headed to the world's largest publishing expo for a few days.

2. Sunday: Church, then the Met, the Moma and the NYC Public Library.

3. Every day: Running. Would you be brave enough to run alone in central park?

4. Monday: Bike riding, Central Park, Brooklyn Bridge at sunset.

5. Tuesday: BEA! and the Teen Author Carnival. Hoping to pick up an ARC of Ally Condie's REACHED, Maggie Steivater's THE RAVEN BOYS, and of course, Shannon Hale's PALACE OF STONE.

6. Wednesday: more BEA shenanigans. Meeting John Scalzi, Jerry Spinelli, and Libba Bray. 

7. Wednesday Night: BOOK OF MORMON MUSICAL. Okay, I might be more excited about this than anything else. Orchestra seats. Fourth Row. Sparkling/sequins dress that I never wear anywhere.

8. Thursday: Go Yankees! I know almost nothing about pro baseball, but I'm going to a game and so naturally I'm wearing my FDNY shirt. Totally makes sense, right? Also, these are maternity pants. I predict this will become the new hipster trend as soon as the loaded diaper/harem pants phase out.

9. Friday: No idea. Perhaps we should get a plan together? Regardless, I kind of want to wear my cowgirl-ish boots in the city. What should we do Friday? Eat ourselves sick?

10. Saturday: Plane ride home, in my hippie dress of course.

Please pray for us that we don't get mugged, lost, or too much rain.

I'll be documenting my travels on Instagram. My username is rachelandcompany. Peace out.

ponder anew

In April, my church held its biannual general conference, where our leaders share inspirational messages for members worldwide. Between talks, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir sang the hymn Praise to the Lord, the Almighty.

When they came to the following stanza, I had one of those moments where the spirit grabbed a hold of me and I stood rooted in place, very still, while revelation poured down from heaven and into the deepest, most tender core of my heart.

I love how music does that for me.

Praise to the Lord, who doth prosper thy way and defend thee.
Surely his goodness and mercy shall ever attend thee.
Ponder anew
What the Almighty can do,
Who with his love doth befriend thee.

Ponder anew, what the Almighty can do. That thought just kept circling through my mind.

Have you ever felt despair? Like you were stuck in a bad situation that had no way out? Have you ever felt hopeless? Discouraged?

Of course you have! We all have, me included, and at that moment I was feeling all of it, plus a good amount of resentment that I couldn't see a solution to my problems.

And then. I pondered anew. I thought about and meditated afresh, again, the kind of things that our Savior can do in our lives, when he fights our battles for us. I thought about how he makes our burdens light. He doesn't take them away, and I'm so happy about this! Our trials and struggles are what help us grow and develop.

I thought about His ability to make weak things strong. How he loves us for trying, even when we still don't get it right. Especially when we haven't got it quite right. And how with His help we'll keep trying until we finally do get it right.

I thought about His ability to actually change hearts. And the miracle of the atonement. How darkness can be turned to light, scarlet into snow.

And just yesterday, I was reminded of all of this again as I set aside some time to ponder and pray and seek some spiritual enlightenment. And boy did I get it. In a torrential downpour of tender mercies.

Have a wonderful day, my dear friends!

writing music

here's a great playlist for a summer road trip or a morning walk. me, i've been writing to this music for a while now, and i really love these songs. when i'm brainstorming or writing, i like a song that makes me think, or gives me some insight into a character's personality, or sets the mood, or maybe even makes me stop short and feel something i've been needing to.

i've left off some songs that you're probably already listening to and tried to include the stuff you might have missed.

if you're interested in the playlist, email me as usual.

1. Lost In The Light  |  Bahamas
2. Take A Walk  |  Passion Pit
3. Walking Far From Home  |  Iron & Wine
4. Is It Done  |  J Mascis
5. Vultures  |  Jess Mills
6. Twigs And Stones  |  Siskiyou
7. Red Red Rose (Demo)  |  The Weepies
8. Ho Hey  |  The Lumineers
9. Until We Bleed (With Lykke Li)  |  Kleerup
10. Get Gone  |  White Arrows
11. Crystalfilm  |  Little Dragon
12. Safer Than Love  |  Bell X1
13. Shake It Out  |  Florence And The Machine
14. Walk Away  |  Luminaires
15. Feeling Without Touching  |  Glass Candy
16. Will Do  |  TV On The Radio
17. The Myth Of Youth  |  Geographer
18. Just Breathe  |  Pearl Jam
19. Cut It Out  |  Kitten
20. In the Dark Unknown  |  Holcombe Waller

been a while

whoa. i've been putting in a garden and writing a story and figuring out how to keep my house clean and before i know it, two months have gone by without a post.

well, i'm working on a few things that i'm really excited about. and as long as i can slavedrive my kids to keep my house clean, i'll have the energy to share them with all of you.

feed sack shenanigans

oh friends. did you know i'm a bit crazy? in the midst of tax season, i have sewed two quilts. both with the same carefully-curated collection of fabric. the first quilt: FEED SACK PINWHEEL was for olivia. olivia is one of the kindest, most tender souls i know. and the best part is she's in my writer's group with me so i get to soak her up once a week. her new baby lincoln is sweetly handsome and i hope he loves his quilt. it was dark and raining the entire week i worked on this, so i never got a great picture of it, or of the back, which is a dark gray minky dot, but here it is.

 

now onto the next quilt: SPECTRUM PICNIC. this was sewn for my sister angela's new baby, who should be arriving ANY MINUTE OR HOUR TODAY (not that i'm excited or anything). angela wanted something a little more organic and less pattern-y. i hope both her and baby girl like it. as usual, i like the back more than the front.

have you ever thought about sewing a quilt but thought it sounded too overwhelming? well, you know i have a bad habit of getting myself into things that spiral out of control, but i love, love LOVE sorting through fabric, cutting into it, deciding what colors and patterns to mix. i do tend to lose steam after that, but so far i've finished every quilt i've started.

everything i learned about quilting, i learned from the internet.

everything! just one more reason i am in love/obsessed with the internet.

the best binding tutorial here.

most everything else about quilting here.

and i sew at my kitchen table on my mother-in-law's old bernina sewing machine. my only tip is: YOU HAVE TO SEW WITH A WALKING FOOT. if you don't know if you have one or not, you probably don't have one. mine cost $180. 

yeah.

but you really can't quilt or sew on a binding without it, and if you plan on doing more than one quilt in your lifetime, it will pay for itself. the price of quilting a crib quilt starts at around $100.

and i now use it for all my other sewing projects as well.

well, i'm off to scrub toilets and mop kitchen floors. hope you're having a wonderful day.

falafel is my favorite

falafel is my favorite meal. after many failed attempts at cooking this at home, i think i've finally perfected a no-fail recipe that i'm so excited to share with you.

just remember, if you skip a step or don't follow directions exactly, you'll end up with a pile of burnt crumbs floating in your cooking oil.

[at least that's what happened to me the first several tries.]

falafel {mediterranean chickpea patties}

1 cup dry chickpeas

1 small onion

5 cloves of garlic

1 bunch fresh cilantro

1 bunch fresh parsley

1 teaspoon salt (or more. i like more)

2 teaspoons ground cumin

1 teaspoon ground coriander

1 teaspoon baking powder

6 tablespoons flour

Oil for frying

1. soak the chickpeas (aka garbanzo beans) in plenty of water overnight.

2. in a large food processor, combine onions, garlic, parsley and cilantro. add the chickpeas and spices and chop until you have a pasty mixture. mix in the flour and baking powder, which will make the mix into more of a dough.

3. cover and place in the refrigerator for at least 2 hours. after waiting patiently for at least two hours (it's important!), remove the falafel mix from the refrigerator.

4. in a large pot, heat up vegetable oil for frying, careful not to let it smoke too much. to form the falafel balls, I use a medium-sized pampered chef scoop, probably about 2 tablespoons, and form the mixture into a patty shape. it takes just a couple of minutes to deep fry each side. remove onto some paper towels. 

5. i serve with red onion, tomato and a yogurt cucumber sauce. my kids like theirs in pitas, but i like mine without. this recipe serves 4-5 people (about 20 balls) and i always double it and freeze the leftovers.

muhummara is a middle eastern dipping sauce with a roasted red pepper and pomegranate molasses base. i tried it for the first time several weeks ago and it is my new favorite thing. you can order the pomegranate molasses from amazon for a pretty reasonable price. i highly recommend it! [enough to use an exclamation point.] this recipe is so easy, just a matter of tossing in ingredients into a food processor. that's it. you could even use a blender if you don't have a food processor yet.

muhammara

a 7-ounce jar roasted red peppers, drained*

2/3 cup fine fresh bread crumbs
1/3 cup walnuts
2 garlic cloves
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
4 teaspoons pomegranate molasses
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 teaspoon dried hot red pepper flakes
1/2 cup extra-virgin olive oil

1. combine all ingredients except oil in food processor. mix well. [i actually chopped an old dinner roll first to get my 2/3 cups bread crumbs, then added the rest of the ingredients].
2. add oil slowly with mixer going until oil is incorporated.
3. you can serve this dip with pita wedges or like we did, with hearts of romaine.

*to save you some grocery store wandering, you can find these by the jarred olives, peppers and pickles.

fresh courage take

From Brené Brown's TED talk The Power of Vulnerability:

Shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection. "Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won't be worthy of connection?" The things I can tell you about [shame]: it's universal; we all have it. The only people who don't experience shame have no capacity for human empathy or connection.

Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language came from the Latin word cor, meaning heart and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.

[I've found in my research that people who were resilient to shame] had, very simply, courage. The courage to be imperfect. They were willing to let go of who they thought they should be in order to be who they were. They fully embraced vulnerability. They believed that what made them vulnerable  made them beautiful. They talked about the willingness to say, "I love you" first, the willingness to do something where there are no guarantees. They're willing to invest in a relationship that may or may not work out.

This is what I have found: to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen; to love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee, to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we're wondering, "Can I love you this much? Can I believe in [something] this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?" just to be able to stop and say, "I'm just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I'm alive."

This has been a week of private sorrows followed by, as it always happens, some heaven-sent help in a desperate and dark hour. This time, in the form of my BYU Alumni magazine that had been sitting on my nightstand for weeks and weeks.

So many tender mercies. So much patience and long-suffering extended on my behalf.

From the article His Grace Is Sufficient by Brad Wilcox:

“Grace shall be as your day”—what an interesting phrase. We have all sung it hundreds of times, but have we stopped to consider what it means? “Grace shall be as your day”: grace shall be like a day. As dark as night may become, we can always count on the sun coming up. As dark as our trials, sins, and mistakes may appear, we can always have confidence in the grace of Jesus Christ. Do we earn a sunrise? No. Do we have to be worthy of a chance to begin again? No. We just have to accept these blessings and take advantage of them. As sure as each brand-new day, grace—the enabling power of Jesus Christ—is constant. Faithful pioneers knew they were not alone. The task ahead of them was never as great as the power behind them.

From the hymn God Moves in a Mysterious Way by William Cowper:

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;

The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head.


So, gird up your loins my friends. We can make it together.