rachel+co

winter running playlist

2012-02-01T14:30:00.002-07:00

hello friends! this winter's been unseasonably warm here and i've enjoyed more than a few outdoor winter runs.

amazing. i'm feeling like we've cheated mother nature with a beautiful summer, long fall, and now this.

here's my winter playlist. click here for a sample. ;-)

1. Feeling Without Touching - Glass Candy
2. Paradise - Coldplay
3. Do It Again - Holy Ghost!
4. Normandie - Shout Out Louds
5. Verona - Geographer
6. Trojans - Atlas Genius
7. Mixtapes - Plushgun
8. Walk This Way featuring Aerosmith - Run DMC
9. Safer Than Love - Bell X1
10. Called Out In The Dark - Snow Patrol
11. Swing Tree - Discovery
12. Eyes As Candles - Passion Pit
13. All Of This - Naked and Famous
14. Block After Block - Matt & Kim
15. After Midnight - Blink-182
16. Anyway You Choose To Give It - The Black Ghosts
17. Punching In A Dream - Naked and Famous
18. Girl - Beck
19. Beatbox - Sounds
20. Lazy Eye - Silversun Pickups
21. Night Winds - Geographer
22. Hummingbird - The Weepies
23. Derezzed - Daft Punk

Sharing Recipes

2012-01-27T14:53:00.005-07:00

this post is solely for my writing partner Meagan, who is absolutely one of my favorite people in the world. good thing too, because it turns out i meet with her every wednesday to sort out plots, character motivations and life problems.

she asked for these recipes, and never one to miss an opportunity to be (lazy) efficient, i thought i'd blog them too. and my apologies but these photos are not my own.

coconut cupcakes

Cupcakes:

3/4 cup butter, room temperature
1 1/4 cup of sugar
3 eggs, room temperature
1 cup of canned coconut milk
1 teaspoon coconut flavoring
2 1/2 cups of flour
1/2 teaspoon of salt
1 teaspoon of baking powder
1/2 cup of sweetened desiccated coconut

Frosting:
1/2 cup of butter (1 stick), room temperature
8 oz of Philly cream cheese (1 package), room temperature
3 cups of powdered sugar

2 teaspoons coconut flavoring

1 tablespoon coconut milk
1/4 cup of sweetened desiccated coconut

1. Preheat the oven to 350°. Cream the butter until light and fluffy. Add sugar and cream till light and fluffy again, scraping down the sides halfway through to ensure even mixing.
2. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating for 30 seconds each to ensure mixing. Be sure to scrape down the sides after each egg to ensure even mixing. Add the coconut milk and coconut flavoring and mix well.
3. Combine the flour, salt, and baking powder in a separate bowl. Mix well then combine with butter mixture. Mix until well-incorporated.
4. Fold in the coconut. Scoop into cupcake papers about one half to three-quarters of the way full. Bake for 18-22 minutes (or 13-15 minutes for mini cupcakes). Allow the cupcakes to cool for a minute or two in the pan, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

Frosting
1. Combine all ingredients and mix with an electric mixer until creamy.
2. Spread onto cooled cupcakes. Sprinkle on a bit of extra shredded coconut on top and serve.

Makes about 30 regular-sized (217 calories) or 84 mini-sized (78 calories)

cabbage patch soup (adapted from my mother's recipe)

1 pound sausage (i always use jimmy dean's natural sausage, which you can buy in a 3-pound tube at costco)

1 large onion, chopped

1 cup celery, chopped, with leaves

8 large carrots, chopped*

2 cups cabbage, chopped into 1-inch pieces

2 cups water

1 tablespoon beef base

2 tablespoons worcestershire sauce

2 teaspoons chili powder

2 tablespoons ketchup (trust me. it's good)

1 (14.5-oz.) can diced tomatoes with juice

2 (15-oz.) cans kidney beans with juice

brown sausage with onion. add remaining ingredients and simmer, covered for 30 minutes OR cook in crockpot on low for 8-10 hours. makes 10 servings. (about 284 calories per 1 1/2 cups)

notes:

i always double this and freeze the other half for an easy freezer meal. it's a simple, one-pot meal. cooking it in the crockpot allows the meat to become more tender and it's my favorite way to prepare it.

*and, don't use those gross, dried-out, bitter-tasting, stubby baby carrots. buy real grownup adult carrots. your future self will thank you, i promise.

fresh start

2012-01-08T18:28:00.004-07:00

if i had to describe last year in one word, i think it would be culmination. a lot of things i've given my blood, sweat and tears for came to fruition. it seems every aspect of my life was so richly blessed. it was kind of a breather year, a chance to regroup, to pause, to reflect and enjoy life. it was a year full of tender mercies. i am so grateful and so thankful.

and now it's 2012. i love when things are new and shiny and fresh and clean. i love making resolutions, recommitting myself to values i believe in, dreaming and envisioning exactly what i want my life to look like and finding out ways to make that happen. last year i only made one goal: DO NOT SHOP AT WALMART.

ta duh! i was a success.

this year, i'm feeling like i can handle a little more. it's time to push a little farther out of my comfort zone. i feel the yearning to be better, to be more, to close some of the gaps between the person i am and the person i want to be. and so, i have been making lists, planning, changing, deleting all my game apps off my phone.

i am ready. i am ready to say: thy will be done. the words to this talk by robert d. hales moved me and inspired me to make this shift, this change.

To wait upon the Lord means planting the seed of faith and nourishing it “with great diligence, and … patience.”

It means praying as the Savior did—to God, our Heavenly Father—saying: “Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done.” It is a prayer we offer with our whole souls in the name of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Waiting upon the Lord means pondering in our hearts and “receiv[ing] the Holy Ghost” so that we can know “all things what [we] should do.”

As we follow the promptings of the Spirit, we discover that “tribulation worketh patience” and we learn to “continue in patience until [we] are perfected.”

Waiting upon the Lord means to “stand fast” and “press forward” in faith, “having a perfect brightness of hope.”

It means “relying alone upon the merits of Christ” and “with [His] grace assisting [us, saying]: Thy will be done, O Lord, and not ours.”

As we wait upon the Lord, we are “immovable in keeping the commandments,” knowing that we will “one day rest from all [our] afflictions.”

i don't know what this year will look like, but i envision myself more often on my knees, more often with my scriptures open, more often seeking the answers from my heavenly father. i am ready for him to make more out of me than i have been able to myself.

what are your resolutions this year? do you set the bar low or high? do you pick a theme like i do? inspire me!

not magnificent

2011-12-04T13:46:00.002-07:00

listening and reading and praying today.

brook, i hope it's okay for me to share some of your words from your blog. they are beautiful and so are you. just what i'd been thinking:

all i can offer

is all i have.

and it may not seem like much.

especially when compared with others.

but it is mine

to give.

diet

2011-12-01T09:22:00.004-07:00

sometimes, i wake up and say "i need to lose weight" or "i've been feeling sick/depressed/yucky lately" and i think it's time to overhaul my diet.

so i make a plan, which is usually something like this: TEN DAY JUICE FAST! i write out a grocery shopping list. it usually looks like this: TEN OF EVERY VEGETABLE IN THE WORLD. i realize it may be a little crazy, so i amend the plan in my mind.

three day juice fast.

now the shopping list looks a little more doable. but i have nothing to make juice in the house yet, so i eat a hard boiled egg, which tastes really good, so i amend my plan again:

three day juice fast plus EGGS. and maybe i'll add cottage cheese because protein is good right?

so i head out to the store, list in my purse. but by now i've grown hungry again and i pull out my list. i'm not sure i can live too long feeling ravenous. what was i thinking? i immediately change the plan to:

i will not buy hot chocolate or treats from starbucks, and i will not eat any sugar or anything after dinner. i will have a raw vegetable with every meal. i will not eat any white rice or flour.

i give myself a mental pat on the back. for lunch i buy raw spring rolls at the store. i think about how great i'm doing with this diet.

i get home and put all the produce in the fridge. i have to rest after doing this, but no sooner do i sit down then the kids are home from school and it's all: emma won't stop singing, and what's for snack, and i have to do this gigantic project by tomorrow and take me to dance and scouts and cello.

so when that's dealt with, it's a half hour past dinner time and i'm just getting started. i cook chili for the kids, but by the time we sit down for dinner, i know i can't muster up the energy to juice all my produce and also clean out the juicer, so i amend my plan again:

just eat what i fix for everyone else, but NO SUGAR. i mean it.

we get homework done and teeth brushed and scriptures read and prayers said. whew. i read in bed for awhile with the thought "cookie dough would really hit the spot" circling my mind like that adelle song plays on the radio. i toss and turn for an hour and a half.

throw off the covers.

make the dang cookie dough, and eat it while i look in the mirror and think "not too bad, not too bad at all."

Information design, federal budget and politics

2011-11-29T09:13:00.006-07:00

So, if you're not in the mood for political talk, feel free to skip this blog post. I recently came across this chart showing the percentages of discretionary spending here.

It's a really well-designed graphic. Simple, easy to read. There is power in information design. On this site, they say: the military eats up a lion’s share of the spending, while social priorities fall by the wayside. Looking at this graphic, it is obvious where it'd be easiest to trim from the budget. And indeed, one of the things they hope to accomplish is to have more of the federal budget allocated for social priorities.

But wait. Let's look a little closer. Let's examine the truth.

Funny how MOST of the federal budget spent on welfare, unemployment, health insurance programs, social security, medicaid and medicaid AREN'T EVEN INCLUDED in this graphic. Aren't those considered social priorities. I think they are. But this chart shows only discretionary spending, NOT ALL SPENDING.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if the American population strived to know whole truth, to look at as much of the picture as they can? This reminds me of someone going through a book with a highlighter, marking swear words, and then starting a campaign to ban the book because it has a BAD WORD in it. Never mind that the book is THE BOOK THEIF and perhaps one of the most beautiful books ever written with a message of peace and hope. They just see the bad word and they don't read those words in CONTEXT to the entire written work.

It's possible this image was created in ignorance, but I'm thinking more likely it was done with the intent to deceive and to hide the entire truth.

Rachel to the rescue.

I decided to take 10 minutes and create a complete picture of the entire budget. Here's what President Obama's budget looks like until December 16, 2011. A few more bills need to be voted for by Congress, but this is what the 2012 budget looks like as of now:

Looking at the complete picture, I'd say the lion's share of spending IS being spent on social priorities. How has that been working? Is that helping to create jobs? To foster self-reliance? To bolster American health care? To eliminate poverty?

Things to think about when you vote for your political leaders.

ETA: Please know that I believe ALL political parties and ALL news stations are guilty of putting forth incomplete pictures to prove there points and some time or another. I just happened upon this example today. And I'm not saying I agree or disagree with the way the money is being spent on the federal budget. I'd definitely like to see more spent on education, but If I had to cut a program, it would be really hard to choose where to cut. Just like it's hard to say "no" to a new pair of pants for your child or to a meal out when our family doesn't have the money in our budget to spend on those kind of things. Do you cut veterans' health benefits? Do you cut disability for the sweet lady who had a stroke in her late 40's? I don't know.

I don't know everything about all the issues either. Probably no one does. I just wanted to make a point about how lots of information we're being given is misleading but it doesn't take long to do a little research and find the whole story, or at least MORE of the story.

fantasy christmas wish list

2011-11-28T13:53:00.003-07:00

as i prepare for the start of christmas season, these words keep running through my head:

Why do ye adorn yourselves with that which hath no life, and yet suffer the hungry, and the needy, and the naked, and the sick and the afflicted to pass by you, and notice them not?

(Mormon 8:39)

and so, i am trying to keep this christmas as simple as possible, to not ask for too many things, buy too many things, nor do too many things.

but what kind of fun is that? kidding! i'm working on a 12 days of christmas thing that i hope to share here in a few days. that will be fun. but i thought just for fun i'd do a fantasy christmas wish list.

fantasy as in the noun [fan-tuh-see, -zee]

1. imagination, especially when extravagant and unrestrained.
2. the forming of mental images, especially wondrous or strange fancies; imaginative conceptualizing.

so with that definition in mind, here is what i'd like for christmas:

1. brown ankle boots from brown's boots

2. vintage polk-a-dot blouse from amprisloves etsy shop

3. "every knee shall bow" painting by j. kirk richards. only $4900 for 48 x 147.5 on canvas(!)

4. mikado dishtowel from anthropologie

5. vintage industrial wall clock like this one from zinnia cottage. our $5 ikea one is broken, and even when it was working, i was the only one who could tell time on it.

6. hour glass from cb2. wouldn't this be more fun than setting the timer on the microwave?

7. a pair of petrie leather sofas from crate and barrel. this is the most fantastical of all, seeing as how younger son cut a 5-inch slit into our new ottomans the day after i bought them. i can't imagine how i'd feel if he'd done that on a $4,000 sofa.

8. week-long vacation rental in benyac, france. only 850 euros a week.

9. "ex libris" embosser to mark all the books in our family library. i've been wanting one of these for years. why i haven't just broken down and bought it i have no idea.

10. equilibrium necklace from palomarie.

11. clip-in hair extensions. seems weird, unless you know that my hair is falling out and not really growing. despite a healthy diet and lifestyle. wouldn't that be funny to have super short hair one day and then super long the next? have any of you tried this? i can't quite see myself spending the money, which is why i'll probably just keep my hair short and fantasize about having fairy-tale-length hair.

the blog post of many, many things (a.k.a. procrastinating writing my novel)

2011-11-08T09:19:00.012-07:00

1. i am doing NaNoWriMo this month. i've added a word count progress bar on the right side of my blog. hoping to type 50,000 words by the end of the month. wish me luck.

2. how to host a spooky spa party for younger daughter's 8th birthday: when elder daughter asks if her friends can come over, say do they want to help with a party? also, invite your brother and his girlfriend. then have everyone else do ALL THE WORK.

3. daylight saving time unfolds a bit like the FORTUNATELY, UNFORTUNATELY children's book. fortunately, all my kids were in bed by 7pm the last two nights. unfortunately, they all woke up at 6am. fortunately, it's light outside when elder daughter walks to the bus stop. unfortunately, it's dark before dinner. fortunately, we got an extra hour of sleep on saturday night. unfortunately church still starts at 9am. i think the practice should be abolished along with the incorrect use of the apostrophe.

4. will someone please buy the man who runs at 5am at the american fork rec center track some new pants? he's worn the same ones everyday for the past five years—which wouldn't be so bad except they're about 4 sizes too small, and pulled up at least 4 inches too high, showing an unsightly chunk of hairy white ankle and not leaving anything to the imagination in his nether regions. maybe he wouldn't breathe so loudly if he had a pair that fit better. no one should have to deal with this at 5am.

5. younger daughter's baptism day was one of the happiest of my life for many, many reasons. i might have taken more pictures had i not been deathly ill. i think when my head cold clears, i'd like to blog more coherently and deeply about it.

if you ever wanted to know what it's like

2011-11-02T06:52:00.004-06:00

[images from the fantastic hyperbole and a half]

depression is hard to understand (for loved ones of the depressed, and the depressed themselves), hard to treat (at least in my experience) without feeling like a cold, dead, reptilian devoid-of-feelings person, and impossible to not blame myself for.

over the years, i have developed a few tricks to keep the sad wolves at bay: excercise, limit refined sugars, prayer, healthy relationships. but this fall has been HARD. and for no particular reason, which makes me feel even worse when i stop and think about it.

i have a great, wonderful, easy life with millions of blessings and tender mercies. children! prosperity! friends! health! freedom! clean water! maroon skinny jeans!

and yet.

if you ever wanted to know what it's like to have depression, you should read this.

meanwhile i'll keep waking up at 5am to fit in my exercising. cuz as crazy as that seems, it's helping.

truth in fiction

2011-10-27T15:26:00.003-06:00

a friend of mine [oh, hi, jenni] just asked her blog readers what our opinions were on age recommendations as a part of a book review.

and it immediately got me thinking about a related subject. how much darkness is okay in a novel? how many bad words? how much sexual innuendo or content? consider the following:

-we read A THOUSAND SPLENDID SUNS in my neighborhood book group and a few of the ladies took offense at the ugliness in the novel and suggested we should only read books published by DESERET BOOK.

-another friend brought back a few books i had loaned to her and said she just couldn't finish them because of the language in them. books i love. a friend i love.

-i told casey anne (who is 12) that she couldn't read a book because of the content until she was older.

-consider this excerpt from NORTHERN LIGHT by jennifer donnelly:

"it seems to me that there are books that tell stories, and then there are books that tell truths...the first kind makes you cheerful and contented, but the second kind shakes you up...why do writers make things sugary when life isn't that way...why don't they tell the truth? why don't they tell how a pigpen looks after the sow's eaten her own children? or how it is for a girl when her baby won't come out? or that cancer has a smell to it?...why doesn't anyone tell you that?"

my first novel is the sugary kind. in my current project, i am attempting to tell truths. MY truths. the emotional truth of addiction and prodigality and shame. and there is drug abuse and swearing and ugliness. and i've wondered why i have that all inside of me and why i feel a compulsion to write it down. because i also believe this:

everything we read stays with us, effects the level to which we can recognize and respond to the spirit. when we spend our time with filth, we lose that precious influence. i think this is a good and valid reason for censoring what we read and what our children read.

HOWEVER—and this is a huge however—i think the written word is at its most powerful when it contains truth. and how can you show the power of redemption, of forgiveness, the triumph over darkness and the beauty of returning to the light if there was no mistake made? no darkness followed into? no pigpen mired in? what power would the parable of the prodigal son have been with no prodigal and only the faithful son that stayed home at his father's side?

my favorite books will always contain a bit of that darkness, a bit of that rawness and grittiness because it makes the resolution that much more bright and beautiful. and to me, true.

oh, HELLO.

2011-10-10T15:18:00.006-06:00

It's a sad story with a happy ending.

School started, I had scheduled, uninterrupted writing time everyday, and the blog fell by the wayside. Writing my new work-in-progress has been emotional, spiritual, and such a different experience than writing DYING LIGHT. The process has left me feeling vulnerable, exposed, and one hundred per cent sure that I am meant to be writing this. (And I've only written the first five chapters or so.)

Since my last post I've had an emotional breakdown (which happened, embarrassingly during writer's group at the Barnes and Noble cafe, right next to the knitting group), a bout of weird depression in which I woke up crying from my dreams all night long, and a recommitment to living a spiritual life dedicated to doing what the Lord wants me to do, and not the things I want to do (though on my best days these are the same thing). I don't think it's coincidental.

And the happy ending? I hope to be blogging more frequently. Here's a playlist that I have on repeat over and over. I know I've already shared some of these songs, but so what. They're awesome and I'm reminding you of them. I'm happy to share, if you email me.

Also, if you haven't already purchased Ben Howard's album on Amazon, you should do it now.

1. Old Pine / Ben Howard
2. London [Live on the Thames] / Ben Howard
3. Gracious / Ben Howard
4. Half Moon / Blind Pilot
5. Tonight Is The Kind Of Night / Noah & The Whale
6. Right Before My Eyes / Cage The Elephant
7. Out Go The Lights / Spoon
8. I Turn My Camera / Spoon
9. You, Me, & the Boatman / Quiet Company
10. Fairytale Lullaby / Bombay Bicycle Club
11. Rinse Me Down / Bombay Bicycle Club
12. Shuffle / Bombay Bicycle Club
13. Lights Out, Words Gone / Bombay Bicycle Club
14. OK Pal / M83
15. 1957 / Milo Greene
16. See You / Benjamin Francis Leftwich
17. Dont Stop (Color On The Walls) / Foster The People
18. Pumped Up Kicks / Foster The People
19. Helena Beat / Foster The People
20. If You / I Dream In Colour
21. Punching In A Dream / Naked and Famous
22. Block After Block / Matt & Kim
23. The A Team / Ed Sheeran
24. Fresh Blood / Eels
25. Milk Honey / Beatsteaks
26. Cheap Comments / Beatsteaks
27. Crystalfilm / Little Dragon
28. Until We Bleed (With Lykke Li) / Kleerup
29. Vultures / Jess Mills
30. Sail / Awolnation
31. A Real Hero (Feat. Electric Youth) / Drive College
32. Pouring Rain At Dawn / Jayhawks
33. Santa Fe / Beirut
34. Lost In My Mind / The Head And The Heart
35. Winter Song / The Head And The Heart

Allow me this moment

2011-08-30T09:25:00.001-06:00

I had this gratitude blog post all planned out. I will still blog about it. But allow me this moment to cry. My baby has gone to kindergarten, and instead of the feelings of relief and joy and excitement I thought I would feel, I am crying. Sad that my buddy is growing up. Worried about him following school rules. And a little broken-hearted at the way he pushed me away and said, "Just let me walk with my friends."

Today, instead of enjoying the silence at home, I am thinking how grateful I am for half-day kindergarten. I can't wait to pick this guy up in 2 1/2 hours.

gratitude day 25: casey anne

2011-08-22T10:32:00.003-06:00

she left for her first day of junior high today, catching a ride with a friend's mom, my heart shredding in that way that mother's hearts do, over and over. i snapped a hurried photo as her friend waited in the car in our driveway.

me: nervous, crying. her: running, excited, hair curled.

i fell in love with her the moment the nurse laid her in my arms in the hospital. she was beautiful, serene, already wise. today she is calm, obedient, responsible, confident, a peace maker. and totally unafraid of the world.

i am afraid enough for both of us. thinking about her starting junior high, i've had this poem running through my head. it seems to fit her so well.

Song for a Young Girl's Puberty Ceremony

I am on my way running,

Looking toward me is the edge of the world,

I am trying to reach it,

The edge of the world does not look far away,

To that I am on my way running.

-Anonymous, Translated by Frances Densmore

gratitude day 24: burdens

2011-08-19T15:16:00.005-06:00

[brightly colored burdens by brian kershisnik]

so many things on my mind, so hard to find the words. it's been one of those emotional, thinking-deeply kind of weeks for me.

i feel like i've reached the peak of a towering summit this summer after a grueling effort. only, once i sat down to rest i looked around and discovered that the next mountain i am required to scale looks exactly like the one i just climbed.

i am older, wiser, yes. but i have grown weary. and i have these burdens on my back—burdens with labels like “difficult relationship”, “impatient”, “unproductive”, “easily provoked”, “unwilling to forgive”. i feel like i am not up to the tasks at hand.

these burdens! i think. they are too heavy. if i were more patient, more naturally inclined to compassion and kindness then perhaps i could shoulder them. but i cannot. i cannot go on.

and then, up on that summit, i take my burdens off my back for a moment, really look at them. i notice how brightly colored they are, how brightly they shine in the sunlight. how, even though it's a strain, i can pick them up, because i am stronger than i was before. and i realize that i am grateful for that strength because i know i could not have gotten it in any other way. my burdens are brightly colored. they are beautiful.

and now, headed down the summit and onto the next one, i realize my burdens have had wheels all along. wheels with labels like “daily prayer”, “scripture study”, “temple attendance”, and “atonement”. i keep my burdens on the ground now, letting the wheels do their work, rolling down the mountain, gaining speed.

i hope i can pick up enough speed to make it at least halfway up the next peak. i can't wait to see the view from up there.

gratitude day 23: ipod

2011-07-25T09:37:00.005-06:00

sometime around 1990 i got my first walkman. i spent hours listening to the radio, waiting for my favorite songs to come on, finger trigger-ready to hit the record button as soon as i heard the opening notes.

i made a running mixtape in high school that i ran to (the same 20 songs) until mr. coleman bought me a discman in 1997. then i burned most of the same songs onto a cd and continued running to them. can you believe i ran to the same 20 songs for 10 years?

pictured above is my first ipod, a second generation ipod nano, and the one i now use for running. it appears to be on the fritz, which is making me weepy.

cute, light, friendly little ipod nano: do not die on me. we have weathered the storms of life together.

the technology for the ipod is fascinating and a blessing i'm grateful for every day. hooray for apple and their brilliant inventors and industrial designers! huzzah for mp3s!

now, i'm still running to some of those same songs. crazy, i know, like pavlov's dogs, i feel like running every time i hear some of them; i just can't quit them.

i do enjoy finding new running music. my favorite source for new discoveries is the music section of the nike plus website. they have a new suggestion every week in several genres. of course, i love me some indie music.

and now for you all, a playlist with old and new favorites: (i always start my runs out with the first song. these words are a great way to start out a day: "today is the greatest day i've ever known")

old:

today / smashing pumpkins

i want you back / the jackson 5

up around the bend / creedence clearwater revival

a little respect / erasure

don't go / yaz

rag doll / aerosmith

friday i'm in love / the cure

remember you / skid row

new:

make some noise / beastie boys

captive / sarah harmer

burning / whitest boy alive

running with the wolves / cloud cult

giving up the gun / vampire weekend

techno fan / wombats

under cover of darkness / the strokes

block after block / matt & kim

am/fm sound / matt & kim

repatriated / handsome furs

shoelaces / the submarines

colours run / bear driver

we don't want your body / stars

the passenger / stars

i melt with you (modern english cover) / the coastals

sadie hawkins day / yip deceiver

as usual, let me know if you'd like a mixtape...then pay for the music if you love it.

gratitude day 22: revision

2011-07-24T17:09:00.004-06:00

"funny that hurts" by brandi strickland

i spent two days this week in downtown salt lake city, away from family and friends and other responsibilities revising my novel. and guess what? i love revising! i was able to get more done in those two days of uninterrupted time than i have in all the past 3 months of working on it. something about immersing myself in the story for a longer stretch of time helped me to see the whole picture in my head and discover ways i might make a good story great.

if it weren't for revising, i couldn't be a writer. it would be too depressing to look at my first draft and know it was good but not quite good enough. revisions for me are the fun, joyous part of writing.

and all this revision and chipping away and rewriting and rewriting a scene again and again until it is the best that i can create got me thinking. [it's another writerly trait i have, this tendency towards thinking and pondering].

about revisions in life. about how we have a lifetime to revise ourselves, a lifetime to work on becoming the person we want to be. a lifetime to develop virtues and character traits that make us great.

there are only a few certain things in life: we will die. we will pay taxes. and we will make mistakes. and that's fine because the next minute, the next hour, the next day or year we have the chance to try again, to do better.

until we are better.

so here's to a lifetime of revisions, friends! and a big, GIANT thank you to mr. coleman for making my magical retreat possible: financing, child care, moral support, late-night texts, house cleaning and all. i realize i am a blessed girl.

gratitude day 21: summer

2011-07-22T11:14:00.002-06:00

ah.

i love summer. lazy mornings, trips to the lake, garden produce, hours and hours of sunshine, eating outdoors, cool morning runs, flip flops, snow cones.

i am a summer girl.

here is a playlist to listen to whilst sipping a chilled beverage floating on a raft down a lazy river while bees hum decadently around summer wildflowers (or while scrubbing your kitchen floor and pretending that you are doing this). my favorite song is track #3, london, BEN HOWARD. i think this will be music week on my blog. i'm headed off right this moment for a 2-day writer's retreat, but when i get back i'll be sharing some more music and some of my favorite sources for discovering new talent.

hope you are all enjoying your summer. i am making the most of every minute. let me know if you'd like a mixtape ;-).

floating
1. you were born / cloud cult
2. you for me / terra naomi
3. london / ben howard

4. first person / jenny owen youngs

5. more than life / whitley

6. replay / pezzettino

7. wessex boy / frank turner

8. i still remember / churchill

9. before i knew / basia bulat

10. okay (henslee version) / venice is sinking

11. old pine / ben howard

12. calgary / bon iver

13. the lion and the wolf / the lion and the wolf

14. not enough (album) / j mascis

15. lost in my mind (album) / the head and the heart

16. wonder why (album) / vetiver

17. already in love / exene cervenka

18. evelyn / gregory alan isakov

19. eet / regina spektor

20. psychasthenia / william fitzsimmons

21. we're from barcelona / i'm from barcelona

22. the very thought of you / billie holiday

23. les jours de pluie / les jours de pluie

24. think you can wait / the national

25. euphoria / motopony

26. you are the ocean and im good at drowning / phantogram

27. landfill / daughter

28. flaws / bombay bicycle club

29. low rising / swell season

30. middle distance runner / sea wolf

31. three tree town / ben howard

32. trouble / ray lamontagne

33. to build a home / the cinematic orchestra

34. strawberry swing / coldplay

gratitude day 20: family vacation

2011-07-21T09:02:00.004-06:00

it's been a long time since we took a family trip all together. this one was practically perfect. a quick trip to yuba lake for 2 days. wakeboarding, tubing, boating, playing in sand, watching movies on the ipad, sleeping on the boat, laughing with old friends.

making memories.

gratitude day 19: siblings

2011-07-13T08:29:00.006-06:00

readers: please meet all my siblings, from oldest to youngest, left to right [minus my older sister emily, who i left a space for next to me in this photo. i missed her a lot this past week.] me, ryan, anna, angela, steven, daniel, james, lilly

“To the outside world, we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other's hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time.” ~Clara Ortega

“Children of the same family, the same blood, with the same first associations and habits, have some means of enjoyment in their power, which no subsequent connections can supply...” ~Jane Austen, Mansfield Park

the melzer family just wrapped up a family reunion. 10 days of a house full of noise, commotion, stuff, and people i love best in the world. [20 guests!] it seems so quiet around here—quiet enough for reflection.

and here's what i believe about families, about my family. we chose each other, in a pre-earth life. we were organized and placed in a unit where we could learn and grow best. we were put together because a loving heavenly father knew each of our strengths and weaknesses and knew that together we could do it. together, with each other's help we could become the people we were supposed to be.

to my brothers and sisters: remember summers in idaho picking wild huckleberries? remember trips to lake powell? remember collecting locust skins in jars? remember when we moved to san diego, the beach and having a sand volleyball court in our back yard? remember when we moved to snowflake on friday the 13th? remember when we found out mom was pregnant with lilly? when dad lost his job? when steven went to rehab? when he relapsed? remember when don and i were sealed in the temple? and ryan, and anna and angela? remember when you all drove to utah for a family reunion? i do. and i miss you all already.

since i've been small, i've started out my prayers by saying “i'm thankful for my mom and dad, and my brothers and sisters.” and it's never felt like a vain repetition. and there's a reason i always say it first.

i am so grateful for my family.

i feel like every good thing about me is because of them. every experience i've had with them has shaped me in almost immeasurable ways. when we are together, i feel closer to my true self than with anyone else. i am happy, joyful.

we have shared rooms, vacationed together, ate together, fought together, laughed together, grieved together, prayed together.

and i love them all.

gratitude day 18: A father's love

2011-06-19T18:26:00.004-06:00

I found it funny that when I posted a picture of my mother several posts back, some of you mentioned I look like her. I think I got all of my dad's physical genes, and most of his personality genes, too.

I think of these characteristics as the "german genes". I have his teeth [no cavities, yay!], his hair color, his physical build [no calf muscles], and his chin dimple. I once thought that I was as smart as him, but then we played a game of Trivial Pursuit and he put us all to shame. He knew every single answer but one. Every answer!

Also, I have inherited his trait of interrupting. And his debating skills. Sorry friends who have to communicate with me in real life. I am my father's daughter.

Thank you, Dad for being the hardest working man I know. Thank you for teaching me how to drive—that must have been really scary. Thank you for providing for me and trying your best to protect me. I wish I would have listened to you more. You always warned me and then stepped back to let me make my own choices.

Thank you, Dad for teaching me about the power of a father's love. Because of your example of unconditional love, I gained a greater understanding for the love my Heavenly Father has for me. I love you! Happy Father's Day.

gratitude day 17: WIFYR

2011-06-18T12:56:00.006-06:00

Oh man.

How does one sum up the week that I had? Being in Holly Black's fantasy class at WIFYR writing conference was terrifying, enlightening, exhausting, informative, and most importantly...

hysterical.

Holly cracked jokes about herself, about her mistakes as a writer, about the Church of Satan (surprisingly helpful to understanding the villains in my story), and especially about our manuscripts, all while wearing the most fantastic shoes. I wish I'd ignored my inhibitions and snapped pictures of them every day.

I will be a better critique partner because of Holly and the rest of my fantasy class.

And I'm thinking about my manuscript in a whole new way. That's the terrifying part.

I'm so grateful for Olivia, one of my critique partners, for going through this with me, despite being deathly ill. [I hope you don't mind that I posted this adorable picture of you.] Having her with me made the scary bearable. And infinitely more fun!

[And we sorely missed our other partner-in-crime, Meagan. I predict our next writer's group will be an in-depth analysis of the entire week.]

I admit, I had a moment pulling up to my house at the end of the week in which I thought: I never want to look, hear, or think about writing, or books, or agents, or queries, or plots, or EMOTIONAL LOGIC, ever, ever again. It was a hard week, as I had expected it would be, because it put into focus every writing flaw I have.

Overwhelmed. Done with it. That's how I felt by the end of it all.

But guess what I did when I woke up this morning? Pulled out all the critiques and began making plans for another revision. A huge, sweeping, drastic revision.

Because I am crazy. And because I am, in the fleshy tables of my heart, still a writer.

gratitude day 16: life

2011-05-31T12:05:00.007-06:00

I am grateful to be alive. Are you? Here's a quick snapshot of my life, this week.

1. I am two weeks away from my writer's conference wherein my novel will be critiqued by HOLLY BLACK. [Typing her name, the rhyming phrase "spaz attack" comes to mind. Not a coincidence]. My adult ADD brain is having a hard time focusing on anything else. I WILL finish this round of revisions before then, because I do what I say and I said what I meant.

2. Markus Zusak is now on Twitter. Now we can deepen our imaginary author/celebrity relationship. This brings me an immense amount of joy.

3. I am in love with social media. Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook. It feels my social needs while allowing me to stay home, unshowered and barefoot living the dream.

4. I cannot keep up with the laundry. Or rather, I choose not to keep up with the laundry because I am revising my novel. Also, playing Angry Birds.

5. I am teaching a lesson in church this week to a group of women. My self-chosen topic: Lessons From the Garden. Any thoughts, insights?

6. My cousin passed away from a drug overdose last week. His memorial service is today. I cannot stop thinking of the email my mom sent to me and the thought she shared: Life is precious.

Life is precious.

Are you living your dream? Do your loved ones know you love them? Have a beautiful day, friends. You are here, you are alive, and you only get one shot. Make it count.

gratitude day 15: office

2011-05-19T15:22:00.005-06:00

welcome to my author office. i am taking a break from the throes of revising DYING LIGHT* to let you in on 8 of my favorite writerly tools for writing/living dangerously.

8. down duvet. because this writer can't perform with cold feet.

7. netbook. which doesn't have enough memory/big enough screen to search the internet properly, thus discouraging lengthy sessions of online "research".

6. notebook. wherein i write Very Important Things that i don't want to forget.

5. critiqued copies of my novel. otherwise know as The Only Reason My Book Will Not Be A Total Pile of Crap.

4. thesaurus. second only to my beta readers, this is my best writing friend. sometimes i just flip through it, reading words at random, and don't you know...the ideas just come. if i'm ever a published writer and someone asks me where my ideas come from, i have my answer: ROGET'S 21ST CENTURY THESAURUS IN DICTIONARY FORMAT.

3. snow and graham desk calendar. in case i forget what day it is (or what year, or what world. trust me, when your brain is living deep inside an imaginary world this is a lifesaver.)

2. water. known to ward off headaches and "bum enlargment".

1. prayer rock. because i need all the help i can get.

*working title. i'm open to suggestions for a better one.

gratitude day 14: miracles

2011-05-13T10:39:00.002-06:00

{photo of and by my lovely sister}

last night i saw my mother-in-law riding down the street on her new purple birthday bike. we honked and she waved, a giant windmill of a wave.

and smiled.

i watched joy spread across her face. watched her hair blown back by the wind. she was a six year-old little girl. and it stopped me short.

in that moment i saw a lifetime of sorrow, abuse, silent treatments, and crushing disappointments float away from her.

and right now, my brother steven is in my front yard, tossing a football with micah. sober. alive. heroin-free since october.

this is what i know, what i have witnessed time and again: miracles happen all the time. there is no sorrow, no injustice, no wound, no atrocity that will not be made right in due time.

and god shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. -revelations 21:4

gratitude day 13: mom

2011-05-07T16:52:00.005-06:00

"It is interesting that today, decades later, when life seems particularly overwhelming or frightening or just downright scary, I call Mother and listen for her to say, “Sheri, you can do it.” A mother’s influence not only spans decade, it reaches into the eternities." -Sheri Dew

During my last trip home to Arizona, I was crying because someone didn't like me.* In the midst of my carrying on, mom walked over to me, kissed the top of my head, and said, "Rachel, I love you and know you are wonderful." And just like that I felt okay—like I was three years-old with a scrape on my knee and I needed my mom to kiss it better.

My mom is a calligrapher, water color painter, cook, nurturer, the life of the party.

Matriarch.

I love her. I am so grateful to have her as a mother. How did she survive me?

*It's a long story, in which I acted like I was in junior high and my mother loved me anyway.

gratitude day 12: cold

2011-04-30T13:01:00.004-06:00

in light of the 6 inches of snow we received last night, here are the top ten most awesome things about living in a place that is nose-hair-freezing cold until may.*

10. views at your daughter's soccer game that look suspiciously like a bob ross painting.

9. no worries about the frozen mangos melting in the back of your car on errand day.

8. no need for ice baths—as recommended by timothy ferriss, author of THE FOUR-HOUR BODY**—to lose weight. you're already shivering cold. all the time.

7. playing in the snow when your sister comes to visit for spring break. how many people who went to a florida beach can say they did that? huh?

6. snow heads. see third picture down. i found this on my back deck today, courtesy of lucas.

5. seeing your cute niece, hazel, wearing emma's hand-me-down fleece hoodie.

4. endless cups of hot chocolate. in our case, cocoa mojo.

3. and endless baths.

2. plenty of time to prepare to plant your garden. plenty of time.

1. no need to imagine the norwegian scenery in your novel, or how a girl raised next to a citrus grove would feel about her first winter there.*** all you need to do is step outside. and look at that last picture.

*this entire post might be a lie. it's possible i spent the whole day dreaming of shorts, popsicles, and lounging on a sun-warmed deck, poolside and not being grateful AT ALL for the cold.

**this book is insane. like, seriously bat crap crazy. and offensive. i think a man who writes about his sexual escapades, describing the women involved as sexual experiments and needs clinical drawings to explain how to pleasure a woman, needs more than four hours to find "incredible sex." incredible sex is found through love, commitment, forgiveness, respect, and keeping sacred things sacred. just sayin' tim. you couldn't have missed the mark more.

***this is a bit spoilery for my novel i'm revising, but look at that castle picture again! doesn't that make you want to write a fairy tale? or take a trip to bavaria where your ancestors are from? no? that's just me? oh, okay.

gratitude day 11: ben howard

2011-04-26T13:02:00.003-06:00

dear ben howard:

this may seem awkward, as we've never met, but where have you been all my life? i want to marry this song; it's folk perfection. i am anxiously awaiting the release of your debut EP may 23rd in the states. until then, i'll just keep on watching your video on YouTube and wishing i lived closer to ireland so i could see a live gig. if you ever come to utah, let's plan to meet up, okay mate? you could play your guitar for our talent portion of family night or something.

love,

rachel

gratitude day 10: clean

2011-04-24T18:52:00.003-06:00

welcome back, self! hello friends! it's wonderful to be blogging again. so many things on my mind, but first things first. i must whip this messy house into submission with some serious spring cleaning. and to that of course i need a good spring cleaning playlist. which i share with you below. leave a comment if you'd like me to hook you up with some motivational music, friends. i love to share. [here, at my house, the daffodils are just now opening up. happy yellow promises of warmer days to come.]

i love a clean house. i love a clean body. i love a clean manuscript. i love a clean mind and a clean spirit. i am dedicating this week to cleaning of all sorts of things that have been neglected during tax season.

here's my playlist. is there any essential tunes you'd add? let me know!

Take Ya Dancin - Say Hi
Something Good Can Work - Two Door Cinema Club
Lazy Eye - Silversun Pickups
Home - Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros
L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N. - Noah & The Whale
Eyes As Candles - Passion Pit
Rolling In The Deep - Adele
All Of This - Naked and Famous
I Didn't See It Coming - Belle & Sebastian
Black & Blue - Miike Snow
Superhuman Touch - Athlete
Sleepyhead - Passion Pit
Hock It - The Blow
Ahead Of My Time (Feat. Daddy Boastin') - Teddybears
Animal - Neon Trees
Blue Skies Again - Jessica Lea Mayfield
Punching In A Dream - Naked and Famous
I Wanna Be Sedated - Ramones
Blister In The Sun - Violent Femmes
Starry Eyed - Ellie Goulding
Architects And Engineers - Guster
Shape Of My Heart - Noah & The Whale
Let's Go Surfing - The Drums
Good To Sea - Pinback
Young Blood - Naked and Famous
Different Sound (Feat. Malte) - Teddybears

This Is The Life - Two Door Cinema Club
Little Secrets - Passion Pit
Race You - Elizabeth & The Catapult
Skippin' Town - The Drums
5 Years Time - Noah & The Whale
Animal - Miike Snow
Middle Distance Runner - Sea Wolf

gratitude day 9: work

2011-03-09T14:41:00.004-07:00

“the privilege to work is a gift.
the power to work is a blessing.
love of work is success.”
-david o. mckay

i love my jobs. yes, that's plural.

the tax job:

i don't know if it's all the power-of-positive-thinking books i've been reading or what, but this tax season i can't stop thinking about how much i love my job preparing taxes.

i like the smell of the paper, i like looking at all the patterns on the security envelopes [just look at the above image. so fascinating]. i like that it's in my neighborhood, my schedule is flexible, there's someone there to watch lucas. easy money, friends! and the things i learn.

speaking of easy money: did you know you really can sell your eggs? i learned this after preparing the taxes of someone who did it. the price for a good egg starts at $5,000 and goes up from there. if only i'd known two years earlier. all my unused eggs could have brought in top dollar, since i have a college education, a healthy bmi, and a high i.q. only, apparently they don't want my dying and mutating 34 year-old eggs. i'm trying not to be offended.

the writing job:

writing lights my brain on fire, energizes me, fills me in a way nothing else does. and i am in such good company. i love my circle of writers, the way it is ever expanding, ever enriching. all my favorite people i have met through books or writing. i have FINALLY finished my first draft of my first novel. [thank you, thank you so much for bringing me balloons and cookies. i totally deserve it.] it is a pile of crappy words right now, but i'm counting on a few poor souls to be my first readers to help me slog through the mush and make it readable for the rest of you.

the design job:

because people say things like this about you [scroll down], and they pay you for it too. there is power in being able to create lovely things.

the piano teaching job:

i taught my last lesson yesterday. our spring recital's tomorrow. i am expecting at least a few major disasters. i will miss all the book reviews, justin bieber adulations, family secrets, junior high episodes and such that i have been privy to over the years. my kids will enjoy having me as a chauffeur in the afternoons now.

gratitude day 9: favorites

2011-02-16T06:29:00.008-07:00

time is precious right now. just dropping in to share a few of the things we're loving lately.

1. cocoa mojo.

a healthy, vegan, raw, cheaper, DELICIOUS alternative to my hot chocolate habit. contains a blend of reishi mushrooms, which are wonderful for boosting your immune system, among other things. i would pay almost any price for this, but it ends up being about the same price—per cup— as steven's hot chocolate. (triple the price per ounce, but you use 1/3 the amount in a cup). and it's significantly less than a cup of hot chocolate at starbuck's. i have mine with steamed rice milk. it's so good it makes me want to weep. i recommend going for the 3-pack—at least until i convince my local health food store to carry it.

2. life/planet earth collection.

the earth and all its creations are amazing. this is one of the few dvds that everyone in the family enjoys. again, and again, and again. plus it helps to finally have blueray, hdtv, and surround-sound. come on over and watch it with us.

3. dark water by laura mcneal.

this book is nothing like i'd thought it would be. it is not a romance; it is not your typical ya paranormal thriller; nor is it anything like any other book i've read in a great while. it's set in fallbrook, california and is a fictional account of the true-life story of the evacuation and devastation that occurred during the wildfires. the gorgeous, almost sparse prose, tells a haunting, devastating story that i just can't forget. the characters are real, flawed, wonderfully portrayed. i love a book that turns the world on its axis for me. no happy endings here, just longing, regret, and a look at the bitter truth told in a most compelling way. i would have liked to get a better feel for amiel, one of the main characters, but he remained a mysterious enigma to the end. well-deserving of being a national book award finalist.

4. the above artwork, composed solely of paper. i can't remember the source. anyone know?

5. crane's cool mist humidifier.

comes in almost any animal you could think of. we got the elephant. it's adorable and the best humidifier i've ever owned: quiet, automatic shut-off, inexpensive, and high output. we love it and our sinuses do too.

what are some of your favorites?

gratitude day 8: motherhood

2011-02-06T20:45:00.006-07:00

women hold up half the sky -chinese proverb

"study after study has taught us, there is no tool more effective than the empowerment of women." -kofi annan, former secretary general for the united nations

"i have said lately that women are like lionesses at the gate of the home. whatever happens in that home and family happens because she cares about it and it matters to her. she guards that gate, and things matter to that family if they matter to her. for example, if the lioness at the gate believes in the law of tithing, tithing will be paid in that family. if that family has a humble little portion of ten pesos coming in, that lioness will safeguard the one peso if tithing is important to her. if that lioness at the gate knows about renewing her baptismal covenants with god, she will be in sacrament meeting on sunday, and she will prepare her children to be there. they will be washed, cleaned, combed, and taught about that meeting and what happens there. it isn’t a casual event, but it is serious to her, and it will be serious to them. the lioness at the gate ensures that temple worship is taken care of in the family. she encourages that participation... service happens if she cares about it. sisters, you are each like the lioness at the gate."
- byu women’s conference thursday, april 29, 2010, julie b. beck

nothing in life has fulfilled me the way that being a mother has. no design created, no piano piece performed, no sentence written can match motherhood. my children are my greatest creative work. not even the dreariness of never-ending laundry piles, or the constantly sticky kitchen floor can diminish the joy i receive from them. i love being a mother. it is an eternal blessing.

gratitude day 7: confessionals

2011-02-03T10:09:00.004-07:00

i am grateful for confessionals.

i just finished reading a great book: THE GIFTS OF IMPERFECTION by brené brown. in one chapter, she explains why it is so important to share things that make us feel shameful, to own our stories, and to not run from vulnerabilities. without having heard/read it before, i have been doing this all along here on my blog with my confessionals. in brené's words:

shame hates it when we reach out and tell our story...it can't survive being shared. shame loves secrecy. when we bury our story, the shame metastasizes.

thank you, dear readers, for showing compassion and empathy when i confess here on my blog, instead of judgment, blame, or trying to "fix" my problems.

so, in the spirit of sharing, here's my latest confessional:

i confess, i am terrible at keeping all my balls up in the air. i tend to hyper-focus and then I have a hard time stopping one thing and moving on to the next. there is no moderation in my life. i spent an entire day cleaning [toothbrush scrubbing, grout-sealing, baseboard-wiping type of cleaning]. the next day i spent an entire day writing. followed by an entire night watching season 1 of grey’s anatomy on netflix. then an entire day graphic designing. only to realize I have not done the laundry all week. or read a book. or blogged about what i’m thankful for. and oops, are those the vitamins i’m supposed to take every day still sitting on the counter?

do you keep a schedule? i would love to know how you divide up your time and tasks. how much time do you spend doing housework? cooking? errand running? working? please share.

also, we are trying to buckle down on unnecessary spending. so of course, i bought the shirt you see above. because it seemed like a need to remind everyone that voltron is the defender of the universe. anyone else have a hard time distinguishing between wants and needs?

i am retiring as a piano teacher after our spring recital in march. and i cried when i typed the flyer up in which i broke the news to my students. teaching piano has been a big blessing and part of my life while my kids were little and nap-takers, but as our family has grown and changed, it’s gotten harder and harder. that afternoon time is precious. i’m trying to focus on writing and designing while the kids are at school and then make the most of the time my kids are home—spending it with them.

i have a secret love for aaron neville. can’t be explained, but i thought i should share. do you have a secret musical shame?

i may or may not have much time to blog again before tax season is over. yes, i’m doing it "one more time." one more time. i’d rather write php code than prepare taxes, but i’m doing it for the money. i will answer to the name “tax whore” until april 15.

until then, i have to finalize a few things with a fun design project i hope to be able to share with you guys soon. and, i need to finish that novel i’m always writing about [when i should just be writing it.] i’m 88,000 words in and i can see, taste, smell, hear, feel the ending. there is crying—and kissing—involved in the final scenes. also, ocean waves breaking dramatically, but no one. word. sentences.

so, if it’s quiet around here for awhile, you’ll know why.

gratitude day 6: personal revelation

2011-01-30T13:36:00.006-07:00

[The Annex by Hollie Chastain]

today i am grateful for personal revelation.

having the holy ghost as a constant companion is one of the greatest gifts in my life. through personal revelation i have been prompted to stay when i wanted to leave, to keep going when i wanted to quit, to respond with kindness when i was angry, to speak up when i was afraid, to believe in myself when i felt worthless.

the holy ghost, and more specifically, the personal revelation i have received from God through him has made me better. more than i would be by myself. it has shortened the gaps between who i am now and who i hope to be.

Julie B. Beck said:

"The ability to qualify for, receive, and act on personal revelation is the single most important skill that can be acquired in this life...It requires a conscious effort to diminish distractions, but having the Spirit of revelation makes it possible to prevail over opposition and persist in faith through difficult days and essential routine tasks. Personal revelation gives us the understanding of what to do every day to increase faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and seek those who need our help. Because personal revelation is a constantly renewable source of strength, it is possible to feel bathed in help even during turbulent times." -Ensign, May 2010, 10–12

[anna, does this answer your question about more gratitude posts? i think i'll keep going until i reach 21, but it might not be every day. i apologize. i sometimes can't live up to my own expectations.]

mixtape winter 2011

2011-01-27T09:14:00.004-07:00

good winter morning! there are few things i love more in life than making my own mixtape. the best mixes are like a well-paced book—a few intense scenes followed by a quiet one, rinse and repeat.

allow me to share my latest mixtape with you. i can't stop listening to it. i wonder if i'll ever get sick of these songs. guess there's only one way to find out. if you'd like me to hook you up, send me an email or tell me in the comments ;-).

lepidoptera love

2011-01-24T21:16:00.006-07:00

there are one hundred things i should be doing right now besides blogging, but you know me: play first, work [harder/faster] later.

we finally photographed the makeover of emma's room, in which she requested butterflies. take a peek!

close-up of the butterfly migration. emma painted the flowers in the polkadot pot. tempra on canvas.

emma helped me design the artwork below [and seen framed in her room], including colors and her favorite saying from a children's song. if you'd like to make your own print , click on the image below, then print on 8 1/2x11 textured paper. we love arches drawing paper. trim down to 8x10 if desired.

if i have time, i'll post some before pictures and some more details.

gratitude day 5: date night

2011-01-15T11:20:00.003-07:00

i'm grateful for date night. holding hands, popcorn, dark theater, and remembering why i fell in love with mr. coleman.

gratitude day 4: food

2011-01-13T09:00:00.008-07:00

{image source}

i love food, in its many colors, textures and varieties. i love sun-warmed raspberries from the garden, honey-sweetened greek yogurt, a bowl of warm soup. i love to eat freshly prepared, whole foods. i love the way i feel when i treat my body with gratitude and respect by choosing with care what goes inside it.

food can heal. i learned that last year.

have you made a commitment for the new year to eat healthily? allow me to share some of my favorite, healthy, delicious recipes, some that i promised i would share months ago.

roasted root vegetable salad-sweet, savory and tangy all in one dish

serves 6

3-4 beets, peeled and chopped into 1-inch pieces

3-4 carrots, peeled and chopped into 1-inch pieces
2 parsnips, chopped into 1-inch pieces
2 medium shallots, peeled
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
2 big pinches of sea salt
2 bunches of scallions (green onions), greens topped off, and halved lengthwise

vinaigrette:
2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
1 small shallot, minced
2 teaspoons whole grain mustard
1/4 teaspoon sea salt
1/3 cup of olive oil
1 tablespoon heavy cream or creme fraiche (optional)

1 cup wild rice, uncooked.

preheat oven to 400F degrees.

cook the rice according to the package directions. meanwhile, in a large bowl toss the beets, carrots, parsnips, and shallots with 1/4 cup of olive oil and 2 big pinches of salt. when the ingredients are well coated, turn them out onto a large baking sheet in a single layer. there will be a bit of residual oil in the bottom of the bowl, gently add the green onions to the mixing bowl and push them around a bit until they are coated as well. if there is room on your baking sheet add the onions in their own corner (they take less time to roast and you will need to remove them), or place them on their own baking sheet. place in the oven.

the scallions will likely finished baking first, remove them when they are well-browned, roughly 20 minutes. the rest of the vegetables usually take somewhere between 40 and 60 minutes. let them go until they are deeply golden and tender throughout. check them regularly, flip them with a metal spatula once or twice along the way, and if any of the smaller pieces are getting too dark pull them off the pan.

while the vegetables are roasting, start the dressing by pouring the red wine vinegar into a small bowl along with the chopped shallot. if you have the time, let it sit there for twenty minutes or so. then whisk in the mustard and salt, before slowly drizzling in the olive oil, whisking all the while. whisk in the cream, taste and adjust with more mustard, vinegar, salt, etc to taste.

when they are done roasting, remove the vegetables from the oven. in a large bowl toss the wild rice (if you're going that route) with a splash of the vinaigrette. you can now either transfer the rice to a serving platter, as a bed for the vegetables, or you can add the roasted vegetables to the bowl and toss them with the rice, the rest of the dressing, and half of the scallions. turn everything out onto the platter and serve topped with the remaining roasted scallions.

french onion soup-easy, yummy, crockpot recipe

serves 6

4 cups water

6 beef bullion cubes or 2 tablespoons beef base

1/4 cup butter

2 yellow onions, thinly sliced

2 tablespoons flour

1/4 cup sherry

Place water and beef bullion/base in crockpot. Set to high. In a large sauté pan on medium heat, cook butter and onions, covered, for 15 minutes, or until onions are soft and beginning to caramelize. Add the flour and sherry to the onions. Stir, then dump in the crockpot. Cook on low for 6 hours or high for 3 hours. Serve with cheesy french bread and a green salad.

southwest quinoa salad-healthy, quick, vegetarian

serves 6

dressing:
1 heaping Tbsp. grated lime zest
1⁄4 cup fresh lime juice
6 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
1 tablespoon maple syrup
1 teaspoon sea salt
1⁄2 teaspoon freshly ground pepper

salad:
1 cup quinoa, rinsed well (soak for a few minutes, drain in fine strainer) 2 cups water
1 can petite diced tomatoes with chipotle chiles
2 cans black beans, rinsed well
1 small can chopped black olives
1 cup chopped tomatoes (i like cherry tomatoes straight from the garden, but grape tomatoes would be good too)
1 cup frozen corn (i love the organic sweet corn from costco)
2 scallions, chopped (including most of the green part)
1 cup chopped fresh cilantro

whisk together lime zest and juice, olive oil, maple syrup, salt and pepper in serving bowl. simmer quinoa in water, uncovered, about 10 minutes. turn off heat, cover, and let stand 10 minutes. (strain any excess water with a fine seive and dump the can of diced tomatoes over the top.) add quinoa mixture to dressing and toss well, then stir in remaining ingredients.

raw ranch dip-perfect for dipping all those raw veggies in, but you've got to soak the nuts/seeds overnight so plan ahead

makes 1 cup

1/2 cup cashews

1/4 cup hemp seeds

juice from 1/2 a lemon

1-2 cloves garlic, minced

1 teaspoon sea salt

1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper

handful of fresh herbs (i like dill, basil, and parsley, and i'll use dried herbs in the winter when i can't pull them straight from my garden)

1/4 cup olive oil

1/4 cup water, more or less

soak nuts and seeds overnight, then drain. blend everything but the water in a blender or food processor until smooth. add water until the dip is your desired consistency. i like mine thick so it doesn't invade other items in our school lunches. you may want to add more water if you plan on using it as a salad dressing.

gratitude day 3: my body

2011-01-12T14:19:00.004-07:00

i'm grateful for my body. the too big parts, the too small parts, the adult acne and hypersensitivity too.

i can hear music. i can see beauty. i can taste cafe rio's chicken salad. i can run and not be weary, walk and not faint.

i remember a specific moment. i was in 7th grade, examining a picture of myself with intense dismay. look how skinny my calves are. look how big my thighs are. [i think i weighed 80 pounds.] look how flat my chest is. i spent the next decade obsessing about the imperfections of my body.

what happened? there was no angel, no trumpets sounding, no sudden realization of the truth. instead somewhere along the way i began to appreciate the things my body allows me to do. how miraculous it is.

i played a piano solo at a funeral with that body. i fought off an infection, typed a novel, kissed mr. coleman, cooked a meal, hugged a grieving friend with that body. i danced. i ran 13.1 miles.

i grew four babies in that body, shapeshifting each time, four perfect miracles. i nursed those babies for four years, altogether.

four years.

i am grateful for the miracle of my physical body, vessel for my spirit, the too big parts, the too small parts and all.

gratitude day 2: music

2011-01-11T07:18:00.006-07:00

it doesn't matter if i'm playing beethoven's sonata pathétique or zez confrey's dizzy fingers on the piano, listening to band of horses or brahm's requiem, or singing hymns at church. music hits me, moves me, changes me, in a way that nothing else does.

music soothes distress, pushes me to run farther/faster, helps me earn a living, and brings me joy. also, concerts! diversion! fun!

i love discovering new bands and reminiscing as i listen to an old favorite. i cannot ever get enough, which is why i am so grateful to know that there will be music in the next life.

thank you, world, for music.

what i'm enjoying today:

ok go | white knuckles

dinosaur jr. | see you

shout out louds | the comeback

the decemberists new album, streaming in its entirety here, to be released jan. 18.

REVOLUTION by jennifer donnelly

2011-01-10T17:15:00.005-07:00

i know i already posted today, but i really wanted to share this book with you. it's for music lovers, writers, historical fiction lovers, anyone who loves a good coming-of-age story. and no, you can't borrow my copy because i am going to reread and reread until i figure out how donnelly does it.

REVOLUTION by jennifer donnelly

stunning, heart-breaking, masterful prose. a book about a troubled teen, riddled with guilt, with only her music helping her hold on to her sanity. donnelly is a master of the metaphor, one any writer would do well to study for her sheer writerly-crafing-genius, but she is also so much more. she takes a wounded, imperfect character, makes her grief, guilt, paranoia, and rage real for the reader, and then leads us on an incredible journey to healing, hope and peace. with cleverness, subtlety, and judiciousness.

if this were a movie it would be rated "r" for language and a few references to substance abuse—but in my opinion, totally worth the read and i wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to anyone 14 and up.

gratitude day 1: lucas

2011-01-10T11:46:00.007-07:00

inspired by my friend brook, i'll be posting something i'm grateful for every day for the next 21 days.

day one: lucas

because every day is fun and new and exciting with him.

what he's been up to today:

(1): lining up the pictures of the kids in his preschool class in two rows–his friends on the top row and the kids he "doesn't like" on the bottom row.

(2): playing with his "big brother" that he made by stuffing some of his clothes with blankets.

(3): playing in the flour {or as he described it, "making roads and quilts"}. i'm glad he's got a little bit of me and mr. coleman in him.

the reason my sewing machine + i are on a break

2011-01-08T17:44:00.005-07:00

two more quilts. given as christmas gifts.

the first, sewn for my sister angela and her husband clint, i have titled: angelateral {or, alternately: why i will never hand-sew a binding again}

the back:

the hand-sewn binding in all its glory:

the second quilt i almost decided to just store in the closet, unfinished. i had run out of sewing enthusiasm, plus it's crooked, so i was embarrassed to gift it, but in the end, i sucked it up and sewed a binding on it. my kids were sad to give it away. they love that soft minky fabric on the back. i hope my sister-in-law loves it like they do.

i have entitled this quilt: charity {for private reasons, which some may understand}

clara's bunting quilt

2011-01-06T18:11:00.003-07:00

this really is a recap of my vacation. for the first week i was in arizona, the only thing i did was quilt and eat. (possibly there was a small amount of swinging and playing at the park. more on that later.).

here's the first quilt i finished while i was down there, for my niece clara. i'm already missing all that green grass.

the front:

the back:

details:

i love you, clara jane. i hope you are enjoying your brand new baby sister.

my renters

2010-12-16T16:21:00.002-07:00

we own the house next to ours and rent it out, currently to my brothers daniel and steven. aren't they cute

this picture is for all my family that will not get to see them this christmas because they {my brothers} are official adults now and cannot afford to take work off for long enough to make the drive down to az...yet. they're working hard and saving up for a vehicle.

early christmas

2010-12-14T11:31:00.006-07:00

friends!

we are headed to arizona for the holidays and are anticipating the early arrival of santa at our house this year. one of my favorite things about being a grownup is never having to wait if i don't want to. {did i write a previous post about needing to learn patience? hmmm...}

pictured is mine and don's christmas this year. me=shelves. him=giant t.v.

it still needs some work: the top is a mess of unmounted lights, empty frames and packaging. i'm waiting on some fun knobs from anthropologie, need to bring few more books up from downstairs, maybe add some accessories (?) or bookends, but in true rachel-coleman-fashion, i couldn't wait to show you.

look at all that space! a little part of me dies each time i look at it, room for our library to grow, our first real furniture that we didn't have to build ourselves or recover. i think i might be an official adult.

i am busy working on a graphic design job, quilts, teacher gifts, packing, cleaning, teaching piano, and also, most importantly, finishing my novel by the end of the year. so i may not be around as much. no wish lists or top ten favorite books unless i get those other things done first.

have a wonderful christmas if i don't check in before then.

love, rachel

interruption

2010-12-08T22:51:00.004-07:00

i interrupt regular life, and the dutiful reading of my uncomfortably large to-be-read pile to enjoy the latest from my most favorite author, juliet marillier.

you can find me in my bed under my heated blanket.

even if it's bold italic

2010-12-06T14:11:00.001-07:00

now i can die complete.

letter to the military man sitting at my table last night

2010-12-02T08:07:00.006-07:00

dear mr. military-man-who-dresses-in-his-fatigues-at-starbucks-cafe-and-asks-to-share-a-table-with-me:

although i was too polite to tell you to go sit somewhere else, i worked hard all day to fit these two interrupted hours of writing time into my schedule before meeting my writer's group. i agreed to have you share a table with me, not talk nonstop for two hours.

contrary to what you thought, i would venture to guess that the young adult book genre contains thousands of stories that are brilliantly written and not about vampires.

everyone has story ideas. thinking of ideas is not the difficult part of writing that "makes you rich". the work is the writing. so no, i don't think i will write your idea like you suggested and "make millions" with you.

i did not really care that you have been in the military for 13 years and are taking a nuclear physics class and can drink 4 pots of coffee a day and still "sleep like a baby".

nor did i want to know about the black lesbian couple or the sexual fantasies that the men serving in your unit in iraq had about them.

also, i really didn't want to hear about the cross dresser in your unit who got beat up but was a "sharp shooting sniper".

it was good to hear that you would support local authors, but you'll have to forgive me for not giving you my full name. you scared me just a little bit.

and just so you know, i'm pretty sure you won't find rand mcnally in the list of "big publishers" for novels. so no, i won't be contacting them when my book is finished, unless i do some drastic editing to my medieval fairy tale and add in a lot of racy driving directions.

remember when you said: "it looked like you were really involved in your writing a few seconds ago, so you probably just missed my eyes drooping and my head nodding."? well, those "few seconds" were the only writing i got done with you at my table. i was trying to give you a subtle hint, but i guess you didn't quite catch on.

so of course, i have no choice but to mock you publicly on my blog. sorry about that. because i really do think you are a hero in some ways.

just not last night.

love,

rachel

confessional and a cry for help

2010-12-01T10:04:00.000-07:00

it's about time for another confessional. i just love getting things off my chest.

1) remember how i did that post about school lunch? keep all that nutritional effort in mind. yesterday, the first thing micah said when he came home from school was, "awesome job on the lunch, mom! that was the best one ever." in the lunch that day: p.b.j. sandwich, apparently for the first time.

2) i'm feeling a little grinch-y about christmas this year. i just want to stay in my cave and be mean and all alone with my little black heart.

3) i have said "yes" too many times this last month when i should have said "no". so, before you ask, this month the answer is going to be "no".

4) i have a secret shame. pictured here are all the books i have purchased and NOT read. (and also all the books i have checked out at the library right now). please help. do you see any titles that you would consider a must-read? i am trying to commit to not requesting any more books from the library until i read the books i've already purchased. i'll let you know how i do.

thanksgiving day recap

2010-11-25T10:33:00.007-07:00

cooked my first entire thanksgiving meal today. everyone helped. awesome.

temperature outside during a last-minute walmart run for evaporated milk: 9°

number of cubes of butter used: 10

results: near perfection. juicy turkey, smooth gravy {thank you mr. coleman, who always makes the gravy at our house}, fluffy mashed potatoes, tart apple pie.

after the feast we headed up the canyon for some sledding fun... i went down once. then took pictures until everyone had cried at least once and my fingers froze and we decided it was time to go.

snuggled on the couch with my family and watched SHORT CIRCUIT to round out a 80's movie marathon. {last night it was THE BOY WHO COULD FLY—totally radical 80's movie if i do say so myself}

naptime.

washed dishes.

mr. coleman heads out at 10pm with casey and micah for some black friday fun while i sit toasty warm inside the house blogging. {someone has to watch the babies.}

i am so grateful for the blessings in my life. two thoughts keep running through my head today.

first: this quote from george washington.

Whereas it is the duty of all nations to acknowledge the providence of Almighty God, to obey His will, to be grateful for His benefits, and humbly to implore His protection and favor...Now, therefore, I do appoint Thursday, the 26th day of November 1789... that we may all unite torender unto Him our sincere and humble thanks for His kind care and protection.

what a beautiful idea: a holiday set aside to remember the blessings the Almighty God has given us.

second: the lyrics to the song WORTHY TO STAND by jessie clark funk

When the war is done

and the battles of this life are through,
When the Savior comes

and the earth is full and new,
I will fall

on my knees

for the mercy He has shown to me.

when i think how much he has forgiven me of, my goodness. gratitude and humility in large enough measure to bring me to my knees. that is all i can say about that.

i hope you all had a wonderful, blessed day.

writing update, by the numbers

2010-11-20T10:42:00.007-07:00

number of words in second draft when i woke up today: 46,162 words

number of words i deleted this morning: 2395

current number of words in my second draft after a writing marathon: 46,514

number of days it will take me to get my novel in "sharable" form if i keep up the current pace: 170

somehow, unhealthy levels of denial and stubbornness are leading me to believe i will be finished with this draft by the end of 2010. i really like my little cocoon-like world of make-believe.

**type, type, type**

ta da! my first quilt

2010-11-19T16:57:00.005-07:00

say hello to my first quilt ever—pieced, sandwiched, basted, quilted, trimmed and bound all by me. far easier than i thought it would be with some online advice by redpepperquilts.

the back.

all shipped off to my lovely sister anna. my only regret is that i didn't wait for a day with better lighting, or for my kids to get home from school, to help photograph it. oh well. if i was a perfectionist i would have never started the quilt in the first place.

{anna, maybe you could take some pictures of it when it's up in the nursery? or have angela do it ;-).}

next project: a twin-sized quilt for my sassy niece clara...maybe...or another baby quilt.

eta: i'm not sure if you see the same thing i do, but it looks like my quilt is glowing in these pictures. dirty lens or a sign? what do you think?

things that make me cry

2010-11-18T06:26:00.004-07:00

things that made me cry this week:

-the barbie commercial shown during movie previews
-the carl bloch museum exhibit
-the news story about the 5 children's homicides this year in layton
-the passing of my friend's mother, even thought i never met her
-researching heroin recovery rates for my next novel
-reading CUTTING FOR STONE

what about you? are you a cryer like me?

John 20: 24, 26-29

24 ¶ But Thomas, one of the twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came.

• • •

26 ¶ And after eight days again his disciples were within, and Thomas with them: then came Jesus, the doors being shut, and stood in the midst, and said, Peace be unto you.

27 Then saith he to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and ^athrust it into my side: and be not ^bfaithless, but ^cbelieving.

28 And Thomas answered and said unto him, My Lord and my God.

29 Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast ^aseen me, thou hast believed: ^bblessed are they that have not seen, and yet have ^cbelieved.

notes for you

2010-11-17T09:04:00.003-07:00

notes for you.

print, cut on trim marks, stick in your kids' lunches, or slip them in your spouse's car or pocket.

love, me.

warming recipes

2010-11-09T09:19:00.003-07:00

pardon me. i am feeling poetical today.

leaves tumble from trees and veil the ground in a riot of gold, flame, and crimson.

the wind's wicked cold bite stings cheeks and noses.

fall's splendor dallies but we don't mind.

we enjoy the glory of it knowing it fades all too soon,

and hope to postpone the arrival of crusty, gray winter.

and now, i share with you 3 of my most favorite, plant-based dishes to eat on a crisp, gorgeous fall day.

vegetable chili

serves 6

3 tablespoons olive oil
1 large onion, finely chopped
2 garlic cloves, minced
2 tablespoons chili powder
1 1/2 teaspoons ground cumin
1 14.5-ounce can diced tomatoes with juice
1 15.5-ounce can red kidney beans, drained and rinsed
1 15.5-ounce can cannellini or great Northern beans, drained and rinsed

1 15.5-ounce can pork and beans (blobs of fat removed)
1 tablespoon red wine vinegar
kosher salt and black pepper

1. heat the oil in a large skillet over medium heat. add the onion, garlic, chili powder, and cumin and sauté until onions are soft.
2. add the tomatoes and 1 cup water. bring to a simmer, partially cover with a lid, andcook 10 minutes.

3. add the beans and return to a simmer. continue cooking, uncovered, for 20 minutes or until the chili is thick.

4. remove from heat and stir in the vinegar. season to taste with salt and pepper.

serve with: cornbread or polenta.

source: real simple magazine may 2000, photo from marthastewart.com

spicy black bean soup

serves 6

1 pound dry black beans
4 teaspoons diced jalapeno peppers
1 medium onion, chopped
5 cups water
2 tablespoons chicken base
4 cloves garlic
1 tablespoon chili powder
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1/2 chipotle pepper in adobo sauce, chopped

1 teaspoon sea or kosher salt
3/4 teaspoon ground black pepper

garnish:

juice of 2 limes

1 avocado, chopped

2 roma tomatoes, chopped

4 green onions, chopped

1. rinse and drain black beans.
2. combine all ingredients in a slow cooker.
3. cook on high for 4 hours. reduce heat to low, and continue cooking for 2 hours, or until you are ready to eat (or just cook on low 10-12 hours).
4. fold garnish ingredients together and serve.

serve with: deep-fried tortillas or corn chips.

source: myself, photo from realsimple.com

butternut bisque

serves 6

3 pound butternut squash (right now you can buy these already peeled, seeded, and cubed at costco)

2 tablespoons butter

2 carrots, sliced

1 onion, chopped

1 stalk of celery, chopped

2 potatoes, peeled and cubed

5 cups water

2 tablespoons chicken base

1 1/2 teaspoons curry powder

pinch each: nutmeg and ginger

sour cream for garnish (optional)

1. peel and seed squash, cube and set aside, if needed.

2. melt butter in a large pot. add carrots, onion and celery. sauté until soft.

3. stir in potatoes, squash, water and chicken base. bring to a boil reduce heat and simmer, partially covered for 20 minutes.

4. add curry, nutmeg and ginger. pureé the soup in batches in a blender. return to pot. salt and pepper to taste.

serve with: homemade breadsticks or french bread

source: handwritten recipe booklet crafted by my friend kimberly, former college roommate and fellow maker/photo from realsimple.com

lesson learned (and still currently being learned)

2010-11-07T20:30:00.002-07:00

i've been waking up early to go to the temple once a week. 4:45am-hours-before-the-sun-comes-up-and-i'm -so-tired-only-sheer-faith-gets-me-out-of-bed early. i feel closer to god there, and can communicate more freely with him there than any other place. i feel spiritually refreshed, optimistic, empowered every time i leave.

also, each time i do the work for another melzer ancestor i feel like i'm gaining another person on my side of the war. i love these women. i can picture each of those strong-willed german women wielding swords of light against the powers of darkness in my behalf. too melodramatic? i think not.

i need all the help i can get.

so, a while ago i took a matter to the lord that i had been struggling with. after finishing an endowment session, i sat praying in the celestial room while the sun rose over the mountains, filtering through stained-glass windows and filling the room with light, naively thinking an answer would come so that i could go out that day or week and solve the problem with his help.

ha! i can laugh at myself looking back.

instead, the answer i got was this: rachel, beloved daughter (maybe i even heard a little bit of sympathetic laughter), this is not a trial. it is an allotment. for a lifetime. over the course of your mortal existence you will learn PATIENCE. i will teach you and help you. and it will all be worth it in the end.

oh. okay.

that is a hard thing to hear. no reassurance that my trial would pass any time soon. only an understanding that the experiences of my life were specifically designed to teach me patience.

i cried at first. i felt a lot of sorrow and self pity that the hard burdens in my life would not be lifted any time soon.

and then.

the words of elder maxwell came to me. words that i had read while preparing to teach a relief society lesson a month previous. oil that i had placed in my lamp, drop by drop, so that i would have it when i needed it. words that reminded me of my final destination, my final goal.

i'd love to share those words with you:

Being content means acceptance without self-pity. Meekly borne, however, deprivations such as these can end up being like excavations that make room for greatly enlarged souls.

Some undergo searing developments that cut suddenly into mortality’s status quo. Some have trials to pass through, while still others have allotments they are to live with. Paul lived with his “thorn in the flesh” (2 Cor. 12:7).

Suffice it to say, such mortal allotments will be changed in the world to come.
-Neal A. Maxwell, “Content with the Things Allotted unto Us,” Ensign, May 2000, 72

and this:

Patient endurance is to be distinguished from merely being “acted upon.” Endurance is more than pacing up and down within the cell of our circumstance; it is not only acceptance of the things allotted to us, it is to “act for ourselves” by magnifying what is allotted to us. (See Alma 29:3, 6.)

Therefore, true enduring represents not merely the passage of time, but the passage of the soul—and not merely from A to B, but sometimes all the way from A to Z. To endure in faith and doeth God’s will (See D&C 63:20; D&C 101:35) therefore involves much more than putting up with a circumstance.

Rather than shoulder-shrugging, true enduring is soul-trembling. Jesus bled not at a few, but “at every pore.” (D&C 19:18.)

Patient endurance permits us to cling to our faith in the Lord and our faith in His timing when we are being tossed about by the surf of circumstance. Even when a seeming undertow grasps us, somehow, in the tumbling, we are being carried forward, though battered and bruised.
-Neal A. Maxwell, “‘Endure It Well’,” Ensign, May 1990, 33

now every time i get frustrated, i stop and thank the lord for another tutorial on patience. my life is beautiful, miraculous, abundant. i am so grateful for temple blessings. for the gift of the holy ghost. for a perfectly patient heavenly father who loves me enough to teach me how to become like him. for the atonement that allows me to give my burdens and weaknesses over to the lord and allows him to make more out of my life than i could by myself.

now if i could only hurry up and learn this patience lesson faster...

forgiveness flour

2010-10-28T00:19:00.008-06:00

i'm a cryer.

and this poem, this poem. it moves me every time. i'm sharing a png of the print i made for my mom for her late, late, embarrassingly late birthday gift. you can download it and print it on your own beautiful paper, if you wish. just click on the picture to enlarge. trim on the thin gray line for an 8x10 final size.

love to you all.

a birthday and a breather

2010-10-21T09:47:00.003-06:00

good golly, things have been busy over here. today is the first day in several weeks that i feel calm. whew. ( i am taking an herbal supplement that has given me my mojo back. it is amazing. maybe more on that later?)

in the midst of repainting, redecorating, cleaning out a rental, writing a novel, finishing a basement, soccer games and various other homemaking-type duties, this little pearly girl turned 7.

she asked for crepes for breakfast and alphabet soup for dinner. she wanted to wear her "prettiest outfit" to school. she likes stuffed animals and anything that sparkles. her favorite color is aqua blue and she loves to snuggle.

she opted for a room makeover instead of a party. we're hoping to unveil the finished project sometime next week on the blog. the theme she chose: butterflies

she is more like me than my other children. she has a hard time falling asleep, she loves to create, to read, and she's a smarty pants. i love her so much it hurts. i think of the chinese word for mother's love teng ai. it is composed of two symbols. the first means pain; the second means love. that is a mother's love.

now i'm off to finish the ironing [which i pile up and ignore until the boys run out of sunday shirts. then i make an all day project out of it. fun, fun!]

oh, oh, OH!

2010-10-09T20:06:00.005-06:00

if you don't want to look at more rugs, just ignore this post. anna! how could i forget overstock.com? they have more than 4,000 rugs in the 5x7 size and most of them are $150 or under. so fun to be in the market for one.

rugs

2010-10-08T15:33:00.005-06:00

my sister anna (who is good at all the things i'm not) is looking for a rug for her new house. and she's, like most all of us, on a budget. this post is for you, anna. 5x7 area rugs for under $150.

from target (i think the last one is my favorite. from dwell studio):

and from IKEA (the first rug is one that i have in my own home. i bought for $19.99! it's an unbelievable price):

if i had no budget, i would buy one of these rugs. a girl can dream.

musical wanties

2010-10-06T16:35:00.000-06:00

so many great albums out or coming out in the next weeks! here's a few i have my eye on.

arcade fire | the suburbs

ra ra riot | the orchard

the weepies | be my thrill

belle and sebastian | write about love (so excited for another album! i prelistened in npr and it's a beauty)

weezer | hurley (front man como has an english degree from harvard)

sufjan stevens: the age of adz (which sounds nothing like his previous stuff, but i love it somehow anyway)

what are you listening to?

st. george marathon + a warning to my peeps

2010-10-05T09:04:00.004-06:00

friends.

i have returned from the valley of the shadow of death.

i spent the weekend in st. george with some friends who ran the marathon. no, i didn't run it. instead i made merry with friends who i can just be myself around. it was joyous and relaxing.

on the return trip i got a little sick. then sicker. i got home just in time because, well, let me tell you.

i have spent the last 24 hours shaking and sweating and reacquainting myself with the toilet on a face-to-face level if you know what i mean. i told mr. coleman i was dying.

i lost 7 pounds. which i could have done if i'd run the marathon. so, i'm glad i didn't and i'm glad i've lived to tell. i am feeling much better today except the weird newborn-giraffe-like legs.

a huge apology to all my peeps if i spread my germs to you. prepare for the worst.

photo swiped from flikr since i apparently had too much fun to take a single picture of st. george

manifesto on choice

2010-09-30T09:36:00.004-06:00

Moon Lake by Betsy Walton

my amazing sister (she's even better in real life) just published a blog post about commitment and it got me thinking. when i hear the word commitment, i think of Wanting something with a capital "W". do you really Want it? then make a choice and go for it.

so often we play the victim. we say:

i can't afford that. i don't have time for that. i wish i had a happy, easy life like her.

when what we don't realize is that so much in life is really a choice. what we really are saying is:

i choose not to spend my money on that so that i won't have debt (or, so that i can buy groceries, rent a cello for my daughter, etc.). i choose to wake up at 5 am to make time for the temple. i choose to read instead of fold laundry or watch t.v. i choose to be happy.

let me repeat that. i CHOOSE to be happy. i choose to make my life what i want.

our life is a series of choices. the choices we make let us know what really matters to us and what we really Want in our life. many things we do not have control over. but the great news is this: we are in control of our own choices. the only true control is self-control.

want to be a stay-at-home mom? live in a small house, plant a garden, cook meals from scratch, spend less and work hard.

want to be fit? prepare your own healthy food and sweat every day. then stop complaining that your body isn't perfect. nobody's is.

want to be a published author? put your bum in your chair and write while your friends meet for lunch and clean their houses and your husband relaxes in front of the t.v.

so many things in life are available to us if we choose them—if we choose to take the fork in the road that will lead us there and then keep on walking, regardless of the opposition that will surely come our way. all it takes is for us to make a commitment, and then remember that we Want it.

we are all powerful. we have the ability to make miracles happen.

what do you Want? stop making excuses and make things happen instead.

amen.

confessional

2010-09-27T22:56:00.005-06:00

i think it's about time for another confessional. don't you?

i am a procrastinator. i started making a list of all the things i have been putting off, but then i decided to wait and do it later. [things like: finish sewing my mother's present for her birthday...which was in august] i have piles in every room of things i started or am waiting to start and never get around to. it's a sickness.

i cried the other day while my piano student was playing für elise because it was so beautiful. does this make me crazy? highly possible.

i am afraid of our renter, who lives in our rental house next door. this is an unfounded fear, but it still stops me from going outside or tending my garden like i should be. possibly it's related to her thin-white-tank-top-no-bra-55-year-old-body, but is that a real reason to be afraid? i don't know.

i am terrified of grasshoppers. i would rather kill a mouse, spider, snake, cockroach, scorpion, ANYTHING.

i cannot master the art of the self portrait. either it's a shot up my nose [see above] or just a corner of my head and all background.

i have lost the desire to read, which used to be the one thing i'd rather do over any thing else.

i just finished watching the complete series of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER and i loved it.* i can see why so many people claim it was the greatest television series of all time. i actually was going to write a whole post on it, but changed my mind. i can't think of a single person to recommend it to.

i have joined the general population in the over use of the exclamation mark. comments on facebook and replies to email just seem more friendly sprinkled with a few! don't you think?!

*could possibly be the cause of afore mentioned loss of desire to read

i read banned books

2010-09-25T07:00:00.004-06:00

artwork by hollie chastain

happy banned book week, dear readers, and what great timing. have you been reading the buzz about the book SPEAK by laurie halse anderson being called "soft pornography" by this man?

i rarely rant in public.

but.

does it sicken you as much as me? it's a book about a girl who learns how to speak up for herself. i have to agree with shannon hale on this one:

Let me clarify for those of you who haven't read Speak: it's about rape. A high school girl is raped. Rape, people. Pornography is "designed to stimulate sexual excitement." I am extremely sensitive to depictions of rape. I have turned off movies and put down books that even remotely crossed the line for me. Speak was not one of those. It's not graphic, it is definitely not designed to titillate. It is honest while being respectful. If someone reads that book and is stimulated by it, then they should SEE A THERAPIST.

This might be funny if it weren't so tragic and dangerous. This attitude is precisely what keeps girls silent when they should be speaking up, what makes them afraid of reporting rape, what lets perpetrators get away. Please, please don't confuse the issue. Rape is rape is rape. It is not sex. It is not sexy. It is violence. It is always wrong. Classifying this book as a kind of pornography is so insulting and damaging to survivors of rape. Ee gads. I'm so upset I'm contracting just thinking about it. Deep breaths, Mama.

in celebration of banned book week i would like the world to know how supremely grateful i am to live in a time and a place where i get to decide for myself and my family what content is appropriate (or not) for our house.

also, i think i'll read something on this list. i'm thinking DRACULA (which i've read, but it was a long time ago) or CANDIDE or PILLARS OF THE EARTH (which i haven't read). any suggestions?

lunch

2010-09-22T11:20:00.001-06:00

the back story:

i ate "school-lunch style" breakfast, lunch and dinner with my daughter for 3 days when i went to the 5th grade camp with her school.

i got really sick. way too much sugar, preservatives and absolutely nothing healthy (unless you count the mushy, red-delicious apple, which i do not.).

i began packing my kids lunches.

i found this blog.

i obsess.

i blog.

my hope is that this post will open up someone else's eyes to the possibilities. i honestly enjoy my time spent in the morning packing their lunches. it reminds me that mothers who know are nurturers.

and if you don't have kids yet, please remember to nurture yourself. all these lunches came together really fast and a lot of them are just leftovers. it's not as hard as you think it might be.

lunch #1: leftover vegetable soup reheated in a thermos container. slice of homemade bread.

lunch #2: chef salad with ranch dressing and boiled egg. croutons. sliced cheese and homemade granola bars. recipe from here, (click for valuable/hilarious tips) but i substitute 1/4 c. maple syrup for the brown sugar and dried fruit and seeds for the chocolate chips. it's delicious both ways!

lunch #3: whole wheat bagel with cream cheese. orange slices. snap peas with ranch. annie's honey graham bunny crackers.

lunch #4: zucchini bread with cream cheese and cauliflower. pistachios. sliced apple.

lunch #5: grapes. peas (taken right from the freezer). carob raisins (no sweetener added). ham and cheese sandwich.

lunch #6: leftover lentil almond burger. edamame. sweet potato fries with ketchup in the sauce bottle.

lunch #7: blue and white corn tortilla chips and peaches. beans+salsa mix topped with cheese. green salad.

lunch #8: carrot sticks, olives, and boiled egg in a car shape. granola. honey yogurt topped with frozen mixed berries.

lunch #9: leftover southwest quinoa salad. (let me know if you're interested in my recipe.) raspberries and banana.

to reduce waste, we started using containers instead of plastic baggies. i love the new ziploc containers with the 3 divided sections. if you have anything juicy, they do a great job of keeping the rest of your food dry. they are dishwasher safe. there are similar boxes here for a little bit more that are BPA-free here. i'm planning on working them into the budget next.

i also love the sassy on-the-go feeding set. we use the containers that come with it almost every day. (perhaps you noticed the blue or pink containers in the pictures). and they're BPA-free.

both containers are available at target.

for lunch bags, i like the kind that doesn't tip the lunch up on the side. we found both of these at target:

so i hope that gets you started.

what do you do for lunch for yourself or your kids? share your ideas!

sources for things that i have and that i'd still like:

sassy on the go feeding set | target | $6.19

ziploc lunch containers | target | $2.39 for 2

lunch bags | target | $8 to $9

silicone muffin cups | amazon | $9.99 for 12

sauce containers | allthingsforsale.com | $2.99 for 4

food picks | allthingsforsale.com | $2.99 for 10

egg molds | amazon | $1.55 for 2

sauce container | the container store | $1.99

stainless steel lunch box | planetlunchbox.com | $34.95 (maybe for christmas. kind of pricey for our budget)

design worship

2010-09-20T07:00:00.005-06:00

have you heard of coralie bickford-smith? two of my loves coming together: design and literature in the most incredibly beautiful way. looking at her work never gets old.

a friend gave me the edition of EMMA by jane austen (shown below), which is my favorite book of austen's and matches my kitchen wall color.

and while it shames me to admit that fitzgerald remains one of those "huh?" authors for me, these might be my favorite of all coralie's designs.

matched

2010-09-17T17:30:00.004-06:00

oh dear! i can't believe this is my first post for september. lots of ideas, little follow through. all in good time.

i had the pleasure of reading the ARC (advanced reader's copy) of MATCHED by ally condie last month as part of some "research" for a blog banner design. it can be scary reading something that a friend wrote, for everyone involved. but, i am so happy to tell you that i loved this book. we (the book and i) made an emotional connection and we are going to be besties for life.

it's a new favorite of mine. it's not what you think it's going to be if you've read a lot of the hype surrounding it. it is not heart-thumping, action-packed or throbbingly romantic. it is quiet, gentle—and in its own way—a page-turning novel about a girl who decides to choose a life for herself. it's about poetry and art, love and death, with the perfect combination of sweetness and atrocity. it left me feeling warm and fuzzy and wanting to read the next installment in the series. in short, it is lovely, just like ally herself.

it comes out in november and i can't wait to own a copy of my own. (having a beautiful cover design is just icing on the cake)

reap and sow

2010-08-31T20:28:00.004-06:00

I am in love with our pattypan squash. Planted from seeds this spring. And it never gets old seeing it in the garden. So cute.

next chapter

2010-08-30T13:00:00.002-06:00

All the peeps in school for 9 hours each week. Now what?

I've only had 12 years to think about it. On to the next chapter.

If you're planning on calling or stopping by Monday, Wednesday, Friday between noon and 3:00 pm, I'll be unavailable. So, hush... I'm writing.

crown of stars

2010-08-29T19:25:00.007-06:00

these past weeks i have felt: dashed upon, swallowed up in the depths, left gaping open, carved hollow, lost.

then, star by star, the light appeared. my crown of stars. consisting of past hours spent in prayer and meditation, the truest of friends, priesthood blessings, inspired counsel, a mother who knows, covenants made and kept.

now, my crown of stars has helped see me through the night. the lesson i will continue to learn throughout my life: patience. because "the hour is not yet", but it has been promised to me that it will come.

and it will be worth it.

She Saw Through the Night by the Light from Her Crown of Stars print by Amanda Blake

a post for jenni

2010-08-22T00:14:00.002-06:00

Remember how I promised a souvenir to whomever guessed all the places we were headed on our vacation? And then I hardly ever blogged after that?

Well.

Lots of things going on over here, but I didn't forget you, readers. Or you, blog. Or you, Jenni.

Jenni, congratulations. You were the first responder to my post and I got you this little lovely dream catcher from a sweet little Navajo grandma. (Even though we went to the Apache Indian Reservation, and dream catchers originated with the Ojibwe tribe.) I hope you like it. I'll bring it with me the next time we get together. And I hope it catches all your bad dreams.

travelogue

2010-08-05T20:54:00.010-06:00

best vacation of my life, so far. so many memories made, so many people i love, and so many miles driven. my van and i are on a break.

worst drivers: nevada. also, people become hard of hearing when you show up to the breakfast buffet with 1 adult and 4 children. ONE adult? yes. FOUR children? yes, people. i know.

to attract attention, i like to borrow my nephew as well and head to the beach.

then take them all to sea world, BY MYSELF.

it's okay, because a few days later we headed to one of the most beautiful places on earth: hawley lake, az.

where i sat and did nothing for about 4 days. surrounded by the people i love best in the world. best family reunion ever.

mr. coleman flew in for the event, where he had a narrow escape from dying of boredom, but i like to think it was worth it because it prevented him from missing us to death the 3 weeks we were gone.

the last week we spent in mesa, az at my parents' house, because really, can you think of a better time of year to spend a full week in arizona? actually it was pretty amazing: monsoon lightning storms, haboobs, bahama bucks, swimming, all-you-can-eat-crab (!), and qt.

i have to confess that the best part of my trip was when my brother ryan shared this double rainbow video with me. and then this song. it is still making me laugh everyday. go check it out. then come back. i'll still be here.

after sunday family dinner we were entertained by a magic show

and then glow sticks. never gets old.

the ride home was gorgeous. i love the little peek of the north rim of the grand canyon here. {photo by micah}. it is great to be back. i love my state and city and grocery store* and home more than i ever have. it doesn't hurt to have had incredible weather every day since we've been home.

utah summer: i just can't quit you. next year we're staying home.

*does your grocery store have men in dress shirts and ties that carry umbrellas and escort you to your car in a summer rainstorm? mine does. i love nice people.

road trip mix

2010-07-16T08:00:00.000-06:00

Of course, I've got an Ipod, but I still can't find a way to get the sound quality to match a good old-fashioned cd mix. Here's what we're listening to. How about you?

Think Of Me-Rosi Golan

Hear Me Out-Frou Frou

Blue Beard-Band Of Horses

Dilly-Band Of Horses

Everlasting Light-The Black Keys

Howlin' For You-The Black Keys

The Boy With The Arab Strap-Belle & Sebastian

Heart Skipped A Beat-Xx

Islands-Xx

World Spins Madly On-The Weepies

Square Peg Round Hole-Wakey!wakey!

Almost Everything-Wakey!wakey!

Drowning Men-Fanfarlo

Finish Line-Fanfarlo

Fire Escape-Fanfarlo

Swing Tree-Discovery

Take A Bow-Glee Cast

If I Had Eyes-Jack Johnson

Aisle 13-Built To Spill

Supermassive Black Hole-Muse

See ya.

2010-07-12T16:01:00.003-06:00

We are leaving tomorrow for our annual Summer Sabbatical. So I stole some pictures from my sisters' blogs to show you what I'm looking forward to, since I am busy washing every article of clothing we have and doing all the things I've procrastinated doing all summer and clearly don't have time to take my own pictures.

We are headed to:

1.) The Sin Capital of the World

2.) The Avocado Capital of the World

3.) The Kidnapping Capital of the United States (debatable)

4.) The Jewel of the Fort Apache Indian Reservation

I will offer a souvenir from my trip to the first person who guesses all 4 places correctly. It will be totally rad. You'll have to trust me on that. Family: you cannot vote. Which could be bad since I don't know if anyone else is reading this blog during the summer.

I can't wait to see everyone.

On becoming a writer

2010-07-08T08:24:00.005-06:00

[print by Merrick Angle]

I've read somewhere that to be a successful writer you have to have a wicked stubborn streak. My mother and Mr. Coleman know best of all how well-qualified I must be.

I am still hard at work on my first novel, reworking a second draft which I can actually show people. Of course, the writing happens in between the rest of life. In between cutting up vegetables and breaking up fights and deadheading flowers and reading bedtime stories.

When I want to quit because it's hard, I think about this article about Junot Díaz. Somehow I've found the will to keep going all this time. (Which, incidentally, is the core of what my story is about.) Here's a snippet from his essay:

"Because, in truth, I didn't become a writer the first time I put pen to paper or when I finished my first book (easy) or my second one (hard). You see, in my view a writer is a writer not because she writes well and easily, because she has amazing talent, because everything she does is golden. In my view a writer is a writer because even when there is no hope, even when nothing you do shows any sign of promise, you keep writing anyway. Wasn't until that night when I was faced with all those lousy pages that I realized, really realized, what it was exactly that I am."

Junot Díaz's novel THE BRIEF WONDROUS LIFE OF OSACR WAO (Riverhead) won the Pulitzer Prize in 2008.

Current Favorites: Part 6

2010-06-28T09:54:00.003-06:00

Item number 6: Slumdog Millionaire.

I don't know how to write movie reviews. I think this might be my favorite movie. Ever. The cinematography, the soundtrack, the story line, the actors, the kiss. The kiss! It was worth buying a Clearplay just to watch this one movie. I watched it 3 times in a week. I felt like giving the disc a kiss goodbye before I placed it into the red Netflix envelope to mail back. Will I buy my own copy? Yes, yes I will.

It is written.

Current Favorites: Part 5

2010-06-24T14:32:00.003-06:00

Item number 5: Dial Nutriskin with Fruit Oil Glycerin Bath Soap, Grape Seed Oil + Lemongrass.

Orgasmic olfactory amphibious experience. That is all.

Current Favorites: Part 4

2010-06-21T08:06:00.005-06:00

Item number four: BibliOdyssey website.

According to their description: Books, Illustrations, Science, History, Visual Materia Obscura, Eclectic Bookart.

Most of the ephemera they post is available in a large enough format for your own printing. They post obscure folk art from around the world, ancient book design (like the photo above. How would that change your scripture reading if your New Testament looked like that?), the most unusual botanicals (an entire collection of Fungi, anyone?), cartography, and current and recently current finds. I always find my creative well filled.

Enjoy.

Current Favorites: Part 3

2010-06-19T10:31:00.003-06:00

Item number three: 101 Cookbooks website.

Around this time last year, I made a decision to eat meat sparingly. I've experimented a lot, both to the joy and horror of my family. We are now eating meat-free about 5 days out of the week. I knew it would be a long process and it has. There has been some weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth.

But guess what? I am a lioness at the gate. As Julie Beck said in her speech Lioness at the Gate: Whatever happens in that home and family happens because she cares about it and it matters to her. She guards that gate, and things matter to that family if they matter to her.

So, I ignore the complaints and try to create the most delicious, healthy meals I can. I focus on healthy, fresh, local produce "in the season thereof." And the kids are slowly coming around. They love quinoa and raw macaroons and green smoothies. Mr. Coleman goes to Del Taco some nights. (You can't win them all.)

I love this website. Beautiful photography, seasonal-based meals, new ways to use all types of grain, searchable by category or ingredient. And lots and lots of vegetarian and vegan recipes.

Some favorites have been:

Carrot, Dill & White Bean Salad

TLT Sandwich

Autumn Potato Salad

Caramel Apples

Coconut Red Lentil Soup

Happy eating.

Current Favorites: Part 2

2010-06-18T07:46:00.006-06:00

Item number two: Phoenix's Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix album

It was mid-February. I was in the copy room at the tax office where I worked during tax season feeling like bashing my head against the wall, poking my eyeballs out and screaming: why, Rachel why!? How did it come to this? You've sold your soul. You have become an empty robotic shell who types numbers into a computer. All. Day. Long. When did you give up on your dreams?

Also, I was listening to Pandora.

And a song came on. I loved it. It perked me up. I wrote down the name of the band: Phoenix. Awhile later another song came on that I liked. I wrote down the name of the band: Phoenix. This song was from the same album: Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix. And then it happened a third time. So, not being entirely soulless after all, I recognized it as a sign from the Universe saying: Buy this album.

Which I did. And have been listening to ever since. On continuos repeat. Every song. At home, in the car, when I run. This is perk-you-up music at its best: catchy percussion, percolating guitars, and melodic, sweet sounding vocals.

Take a listen and if you like it you should probably go ahead and buy the whole album.

Phoenix :: Lasso

Current Favorites: Part 1

2010-06-17T10:49:00.006-06:00

I think it's about time for another top 10. Don't you? And because I'm feeling wordy, let's go ahead and give each item it's own special post. Check back everyday until I'm done. I think I've got at least 10 things to share with you.

Item number one: Ataulfo Mango

Don't confuse these with the other variety of mango you will find in your typical grocery store. I find Ataulfo Mangoes at Costco. Grown by Freska Produce, these little babies are sweeter, deeper orange in color and more creamy (less fibrous/stringy) in texture than regular mangoes. They never taste soapy like their unripe cousins, either. And the best part is that they are cheaper.

Our family eats at least 12 a week, sometimes more. And I put them in my most favorite desert of all time.

Which recipe I'll share with you because I love you. It's adapted from a Martha Stewart recipe:

Mango Raspberry Crisp - Serves 8

6 mangoes, peeled and pitted
2 half-pint container raspberries
4 teaspoons freshly squeezed lemon juice

FOR THE CRUMB MIXTURE
6 tablespoons plus 2/3 cup sugar
2 tablespoon plus 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/3 cup finely ground nuts*
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 sticks butter, at room temperature

Directions

Heat oven to 350 degrees. Slice the mangoes into 3/4-inch pieces; transfer to a medium bowl. Stir in the lemon juice, 6 tablespoons sugar, and 2 tablespoon flour, and set aside.

In a medium bowl, whisk together nuts, salt, remaining 1 1/2 cups flour, and 2/3 cup sugar until combined. Cut in butter with a pastry cutter or two knives, until the mixture is crumbly. Continue working in the butter until completely incorporated and there are no dry crumbs. Squeeze mixture together to create pea-size to half-inch clumps.

Add the raspberries to the reserved mangoes, and pour into a 2 quart glass baking dish. Place nut-and-flour mixture on top, allowing some of the fruit to show through. Bake until top is golden brown and the fruit juices are thick and bubbling, 35 to 40 minutes. Remove from oven; place on a wire rack until slightly warm. Serve with your favorite vanilla ice cream.

*Martha recommends hazelnuts, which I have used with delicious, yet expensive results. I use walnuts or pecans normally; just grind them up in a blender.

Fridge

2010-06-15T22:24:00.005-06:00

Are you one of those people that has a spotlessly clean, gleaming fridge? I'm... not. Our fridge is Command Central at our house. It keeps the kids from asking Can I Play? or What's for dinner?. One glance and they know what they need to finish before they can have free time, what their responsibility is for family night, and what we're having for dinner tonight and tomorrow.

Those kids meal toys from Sonic have been the only fast food toys that have not found their way to the landfill or the thrift store. And, as I'm posting this, I'm noticing that someone has, again, erased the GOOD CLEAN under Friday. Those pesky kids!

Refuge

2010-06-10T16:47:00.006-06:00

The kids and I took a trip to Zion National Park for Memorial Day weekend. We swam at the pool, ate pizza in our hotel, drove through the tunnels, hiked to waterfalls, and discovered a perfect picnic spot: hidden from the road, tucked in between two towering sandstone cliffs, a floor of fine, cool, white sand.

A refuge.

In this quiet spot I felt an overwhelming sense that this was a tender mercy from a loving Heavenly Father who knew about the burdens and heartache in my life. A time to refresh my spirit and reconnect with my Creator.

And then Micah threw a bloody stump of a lizard tail at me. I laughed more in those three days than I have the last three months.

If you are planning a trip, do stop at the Springdale Fruit Company. They offer sandwiches on focaccia bread, organic produce, and a porch swing.

Skip the Zion Canyon Giant Screen Theater.

Everyone should take a trip to a crowded public place with a three-year-old at least once. And they should ride public transportation. Announcements like: Mom, I just farted! take on another meaning when you are on a crowded shuttle bus with 50 strangers.

It was a great trip. I fell in love with my kids and being a mother all over again. A girl we met at the pool kept telling me how she admired me for "doing it alone with four kids." I smiled but thought to myself: you don't know my kids.

Help a girl out

2010-05-26T13:34:00.004-06:00

So, I have a dilemma. I have foot problems. I need a pair of summer sandals that can handle a day at Sea World. Also, I am super cheap.

That's where you come in. My lame-o $7.99 flip flops are not going to work. I just went to run a few errands with them on and now my toe hurts so bad that I think I cried a little. (Let's keep that between you and me, 'kay?)

Here are a few sandals I have been thinking about. What do you think? Any other suggestions? You should probably know that:

a.) They have to be really well-supportive and comfortable, but I am also vain. Form and function required.

b.) I inexplicably loathe the gladiator-style sandal. Possibly more than skinny jeans.

Please help. Thanks!

Option 1: Naturalizer Women's Camden Sandal

Option 2: privo Women's Abria Sandal

Option 3: Kenneth Cole REACTION Women's Sun Room Wedge Thong Sandal

A Vacuum Fairy Tale

2010-05-20T11:49:00.003-06:00

A long time ago, in a land far, far away two young newlyweds purchased a vacuum from a traveling salesman. They used it dutifully for many years, paying the high price of the filters set by evil Filter Queen company. Then one day, the now gray and hardened wife hatched a plan to thwart this evil in her life.

And so she did.

She tossed the vacuum into a vast pit so no one would ever have to be plagued by it again. And she requested a new vacuum from the Amazon Fairy because it came recommended from the land of Consumer Reports. It was magically delivered to her door with no cost at all.

Now she and her children vacuum happily in their quaint cottage nestled against towering mountains. And she rests easy in the knowledge that she can buy 44 Hoover Tempo Widepath Vacuums for the price she paid for the first vacuum.

The end.

i did not doubt my mother knew it

2010-05-09T21:20:00.006-06:00

i had a magical childhood. i sang, i danced, i drew and i dreamed—encouraged every step of the way by my mother.

we went on family vacations, camping trips; she signed me up for drawing and pottery classes; she drove me to singing lessons, ballet lessons, flute lessons, piano lessons, church youth groups. she taught me how to make jam and grind my own wheat and feel comfortable being myself.

she had nine children. became the guardian of four more when her sister died unexpectedly. and then one foster daughter when another sister couldn't take her in anymore.

every good part of me i owe to her. i love you mom. i hope you know how much.

race recap

2010-05-04T12:51:00.004-06:00

i ran my first half marathon of the year on saturday. also, the first since my toe nerves declared war on me.

it was hard. it rained, hailed and snowed the whole time. i was cold. i bled all over my shoes. i got my worst time yet. the battery on my nike+sensor died. after the race my 11-year-old said to me, "mom, you look like lady gaga."

also, it was fun. i met someone during the race who said, "hey, are you a melzer?" isn't that great? she went to school with my sister and somehow recognized me. we ran together for awhile before i had to slow down. nice to meet you, christy owens.

so, after all that, i've come to realize something: there are two types of people in the world. those that would pay $30 extra to choose their own combo of colors on their running shoes and those that would not. i know what type i am. what type are you?

before + after: what to do with 2 hours on a saturday

2010-04-30T13:28:00.004-06:00

i love a good before + after picture. welcome to my first of many.

my pantry has been a mess for awhile. i finally decided to do something about it when i saw some sea grass storage boxes in the clearance section at target. now if only i could get three or four more...

it's nice to know where everything is. (and wow, i have four containers of nutella. how did it come to this?) this method is a lot easier and A LOT less expensive than filling matching plastic boxes with cereal and pasta. what a waste of time. this is much more my style.

virtual dreams (of the pipe variety)

2010-04-27T20:03:00.003-06:00

doing a virtual search for posters for micah's room. i love this combo.

his room is still in the drywall stage with no hope of it being finished anytime in the near future. sometimes i search for hardwood that i like, or sofas. also library ladders. because you know, i have a giant collection of shelves that are so tall they require a ladder. (okay, no, i don't.) anyone else do this?

best bubbles recipe

2010-04-26T10:30:00.004-06:00

so, according to our scientific data, the longest-lasting bubble recipe was this one:

1 cup water

1 tablespoon dawn dish detergent (not the antibacterial kind)

1 tablespoon glycerin

let it sit at least 24 hours for maximum strength.

our summer plan: make these in empty milk cartons and blow bubbles by the millions

science project

2010-04-24T08:36:00.010-06:00

in january casey anne started her science fair project. i had no idea how many great ideas were to be found on the internet.

lesson number one: always dress to impress.

lesson number two: stick to a subject you know a lot about. like this young man. how could he not choose "animal magnetism" as a topic? i mean, really.

lesson number three: if your child's teacher is your archenemy, she will hate your project no matter how sound your science, how well-organized your data, how lovely your layout.

your efforts will be futile.

lesser mortals would have given up far before casey and i did, but we carried on. casey loved her project so much she is still in shock that she only came in second place. (there were 20 first places).

for joan; because she asked

2010-04-20T18:31:00.003-06:00

photo from flickr

Strawberry Milkshakes

Combine in a blender:

2 cups vanilla ice cream*

2 cups strawberries, cored

enough milk to blend, about 1 cup

Blend and enjoy.

*Our favorite vanilla ice cream is the Kirkland Signature brand from Costco.

honey, i'm home

2010-04-18T22:00:00.005-06:00

I am currently conserving my "limited strength in order to maximize [my] influence where it matters most."

By taking Sunday walks, reading bedtime stories, and making strawberry milkshakes.

I have Things To Do this coming week: 10 weeks worth of deep cleaning, prepare for a Relief Society lesson, finish sewing projects, update church records, make family history contacts, write! It feels great to know there will be time for all of it and that I can be doing it all at home. Because that is where I "have the most power and influence."

Aaahhh. It's good to be home.

Free Tax Advice

2010-04-11T19:25:00.003-06:00

Can April 15th get here any sooner? I am so excited to return to the glorious life of stay-at-home mother. In light of my celebratory mood, I am offering free tax advice to all my blog readers.

If your medical expenses do not total at least 7.5% of your income, it won't help.

If your casualty/theft losses do not total at least 10% of your income, it won't help.

If you have income and don't withhold taxes, you will probably owe*. Shocking, I know, but you'd be surprised how many people are just incredulous over this fact. "What!? My husband only made $120,000 last year and now your telling me we have to pay taxes on that!? This has been such a hard year." (Exact quote.)

The energy credit/education credit/dependent care credit/any other credit: please don't assume that you will be credited a dollar for ever dollar you spent. This has never been the case, and will never be the case, worlds without end, amen.

If you call your tax preparer and ask why your refund was not as big as your neighbor's/cousin's/sister's/etc... you will be mocked while you are on hold and then mocked again on a public blog.

*Unless of course you make less than a certain amount and have qualifying dependents. Then the IRS will pay you if your income is low enough. Earned income credit=destroyer of motivation/opposite of capitalism.

lime ricki swimwear

2010-03-26T07:28:00.008-06:00

i've found the swimwear sweetspot:

stylish, modest, AND relatively cheap. thought i share it with all of you. plus, they're doing a giveaway on their blog until march 29th. all you have to do is post a comment.

may i introduce you to lime ricki swimwea r...

a day in the life, in case you wanted to know, tuesday to be exact

2010-03-09T19:15:00.005-07:00

4:45 wake up. take ibuprofen, switch load of laundry, head to gym.

5:15 run.

6:15 shower. housework.

7:00 wake up kids. scriptures. breakfast. make lunches. craziness.

8:45 take kids to school.

9:00 prepare tax returns. (and yes, the dishonesty of my fellowmen saddens me, still, every time.)

4:00 home. teach piano.

7:00 dinner.

7:15 more piano.

8:00 back to work. more tax returns. fun, fun for everyone.

10:00 home. scriptures. prayer. exhaustion-induced weeping ensues. or reading.

10:30 dream about the 1040.

4:45 the fun starts all over again.

and the insane thing is, i am enjoying work quite a bit. much more than last year. i am almost dreading all that free time coming up in a few more weeks.

no more good excuses for a messy house. and will mr. coleman stop doing the dishes for me at night?

quilting on the brain

2010-03-07T20:32:00.005-07:00

added to the bucket list: sew a quilt or two or four.

and an update. i have failed on all of my new years resolutions but two (still no soda and no new clothes). but i am still trying my best. i always aim high and shoot low. what can i say?

on hold

2010-02-24T19:24:00.002-07:00

are you sick of seeing that picture of tomato soup every time you log into my blog? well it's gonna be here for a while. this blog is low on the list of priorities right now.

at the coleman house right now: we are sick. we are on medication. we are making money and paying down are debts. we are taking turns with making dinners and doing housework.

regular posting should return sometime after april 15. you can always give me a call if you are curious about what's new.

Tomato Soup Success

2010-02-04T19:37:00.005-07:00

Stress level on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the highest): 10.

Just so you know.

What was I thinking?

Anyway, after years of testing different tomato soup recipes, I have finally created the ultimate, perfect recipe. It is so good it makes me want to cry. And it only takes 15 minutes, with about 1 minute of prep work. Try it and weep.

Basil Tomato Soup

2 28 oz. cans crushed tomatoes

1 tablespoon chicken base

1/2 cup pesto

1/2 teaspoon kosher salt

3 tablespoons sugar

1 cube (1/2 cup) butter, chopped

1 12 oz. can evaporated milk

Directions:

In a large stock pot, combine tomatoes, chicken base, pesto, salt and sugar. Bring to a boil and simmer, covered, for 10 minutes. Add butter and milk and heat through.

Notes:

I buy my chicken base at Costco in the spices/pantry section and use it with water added as a substitute for chicken broth or stock all the time.

Great food storage item.

If you don't have it, you can substitute 3 boulion cubes, but don't add any salt (and sorry to say, but your soup won't be as good). I use homemade pesto that I freeze at the end of every summer in gargantuan batches. (Ask my kids about picking basil last fall. I think we had 3 laundry baskets full.)

photo from here